Simple but not Easy: Controlling the Script

About the ‘Big Danger’ out there – I mean, the sea eroding our beach more and more, the crashing waves coming closer and closer day after day to the fence and our houses – my thoughts are more or less in control:
I am firmly resting upon the Divine Grace to take care of that extremely important problem in the best possible way, as happened already wonderfully well last year when the same seasonal worsening finally subsided, a mere few meters before our fence was reached, and the next, reverse seasonal phase, of relative ‘beach building’, at last started, to our huge relief.
I am doing my own part in saving this beach, and hopefully also this whole part of the Coast of Coromandel (the local fishermen houses too should be protected, not just our ones in the Auroville settlements!…), simply by trying to follow the advice received from ‘God’  and quoted in my recent post ‘Health… through FUN’:

So I do try my best to just ‘have a good day’, every day, in spite of that constant threat from the advancing ocean… I have succeeded in not thinking of this ocean as an enemy, that’s already a big inner victory !…

But watching my thoughts go on non stop about almost any other subject is just constant consternation for me: how far I still am from being free of care and worry! *big sigh*…
Oh no, here I go again: even that precise thought and that heavy sigh about myself, are actually so negative too, so energy destroying in my own being!!!  I’m already feeling quite depressed. Stop, stop, stop, this isn’t the way, it only aggravates things!…. I have to immediately add that from now on it will get better.
The problem is, it is those usually unconscious thoughts or trends of thoughts, whatever they are, positive or negative, that then become the recorded Script for what will indeed happen, or go on happening, in our life!!! So we all better watch out what is going on all the time in our heads…

Do you like to give it a try and watch your own thoughts for a while too?… Even doing that might prove to be not so easy, as our attention wavers and shifts all the time its vague focus, but let’s assume you manage to at least for a while keep your attention upon watching your thoughts. You might be in for a bad surprise just like me, and discover you too have quite a lot of inner work ahead of you for controlling that Script!!! If instead it is a good surprise, please do write to me about it: I’ll really be glad to know how you are getting such a good result!!!

Until now, though, my own tendency seems to be in the downward direction, as far as background thoughts are concerned…
Even regarding this blog also I keep worrying, stupidly but endlessly, with this nagging question:  ‘Am I doing this work satisfactorily enough?…’
Thanks to the ‘Site Stats’ (thank you, WordPress!), I am able to check at any time, every day or more often if I like, how many persons have visited this blog of mine, and what posts they have chosen to read.
Every time, I can see that the numbers are reassuringly good, and quite steadily rising since I started a few months ago, which should be encouragement enough for me to go on without worrying about people’s possible bad reactions to what I write on all those rather sensitive subjects.
Still, the fact that all those visitors, although they are in increasing number, generally don’t leave any comment, and that only rarely does anyone take the trouble to put down in writing the reactions they had while reading my latest post or any other one they happened to be attracted to on that day, this frustrating fact bothers me no end. I keep feeling I’m kind of talking to a void, and I don’t like it.

I seem to need the constant (or at least frequent!…) reassurance of positive comments, to sustain in myself the confidence that I am doing a good job, and people are interested in what I write, and appreciating it, and this blog is serving its purpose all right. Whenever that outer reassurance isn’t coming at all for many days, I start worrying again.

I know very well it is totally ridiculous, given the actual and undeniable reassurance from the Site Stats, but still I start worrying and then my blog isn’t any more for me a source of happiness and satisfaction as it normally is: during these few months since I began this blog, it has been such a joy for me to be able to express and put out to an interested and appreciative audience all those research documents as well as personal thoughts and experiences I have been accumulating over the last forty years of my life, totally engrossed as I have been in this invisible, but so powerful process of Conscious Evolution!

It is really a pity that this ludicrous tendency to worry and to lose self-confidence is able to come in the way of that joy I normally have in fulfilling – actually well, it seems – the most important outer work I have been given the talent for: giving talks about Conscious Evolution as I know it, and writing about it.

So this blog, like many other aspects of my life, has unexpectedly – but I guess inevitably! – become for me one more field of self-training for overcoming these stupid ego-born reactions that keep popping up from inside our being, showing us again and again how much what still remains of our ego is limiting us and interfering with what should be, in the true Divine Consciousness, a life of constant delight:

(…) God’s eternal delight in becoming, seeing and doing.’ (‘Thoughts & Aphorisms’ #330, Sri Aurobindo)

For our relationships too, and, especially important in Auroville, for the realization of our Unity in Diversity , our thoughts are usually such a hindrance, when they could be on the contrary such a help: just this morning I was reading again one older post of mine, ‘Voluntary Guinea-Pigs cum Researchers’, already about the power of thoughts like this one; in that post I explained how our negative thoughts about each other will affect the other person negatively, keeping him or her under the added weight of the bad image we have of them, and making it much more difficult for them to change for the better, when our negative beliefs or memories about them are imprisoning them in that very way of being our thoughts accuse them of having.

Also in the Auroville place where I live, there is so much of this going on, including inside myself, as we try to work together but keep having difficulties to understand and forgive each other’s failings and short-comings. Even more than all the outer challenges, this one is so daunting… My only recourse, when everything else seems to go wrong, is to ardently pray that we all be helped to change, to get rid of our egoes, mine first of all… Everywhere in the world it is the same problem, the same problem, the same problem, and it brings so much misery on us human beings, and on this planet… Watching our thoughts could make already a big difference indeed. A simple, but not easy task, that’s true, but not an impossible one: a challenge to be urgently taken up by all those willing to help our world change, from within.

10 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Chantal et claude Oudeville
    Oct 02, 2011 @ 21:34:14

    personnellement Bhaga il m’est plusieurs fois arrivé de poser l’une ou l’autre question sur ton blog suite à la lecture de qque chose mais je n’ai jamais eu de réponse!
    Tu as fait le choix de l’écrire en anglais je pense que c’est parce qu’il doit y avoir une majorité de visiteurs Anglais mais de ce fait en ce qui me concerne c’est un sérieux frein!
    Cela étant dit, j’ai bien compris que le moment n’est pas facile en ce moment à Repos et je t’envoie toutes mes pensées positives et mes prières pour que Mère vienne t’aider et te soutenir. Je ne doute pas un seul instant de sa présence près de toi!
    Je t’embrasse

    chantal

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    • Bhaga
      Oct 04, 2011 @ 01:15:25

      Eh bien tu vois, ce que tu dis, que tu a mis des questions, mais que je n’ai jamais répondu, c’est une totale surprise pour moi, et totalement incompréhensible: à ma connaissance, j’ai toujours répondu à tous les commentaires, et presque toujours tout de suite, sauf quand la connexion internet s’est coupée entre-temps et a mis ma réponse en retard!… Alors là je suis tout à fait perplexe. Je suis normalement prévenue automatiquement par email dès qu’il y a un commentaire, je ne vois pas comment j’aurais pu en rater, en plus pas juste un, d’après ce qur tu dis, mais plusieurs, c’est à n’y rien comprendre.
      En tous cas je suis tout à fait désolée qu’il en ait été ainsi, quelle qu’ait pu en être la raison. Toutes mes excuses.
      Si tu veux bien, chère Chantal, me répétér les questions auxquelles tu n’as jamais eu de réponse, je serai heureuse d’y répondre maintenant au moins.
      Un grand merci déjà pour avoir signalé ce problème, dont j’espère vraiment trouver la raison, pour qu’il ne se reproduise pas!
      Je t’embrasse aussi, bien sûr, et tout spécialement pour ce commentaire en réponse immédiate justement à ce que j’ai écrit, c’est sympa!!!🙂

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    • Bhaga
      Oct 05, 2011 @ 06:06:35

      J’ai pu vérifier les “comments” que tu as mis, il y a eu juste les 3 que je me rappelle en effet avoir vus, et auxquels j’ai répondu: votre si gentille offre d’aide financière, la question pour la Concentration dans le Coeur en Français, et puis maintenant celui-ci.
      Ce qui s’est peut-être passé si tu en as écrit d’autres, c’est que tu as oublié de les enregistrer en cliquant sur “Post Comment” à la fin. Si on oublie de le faire, tout s’efface sans s’inscrire nulle part!!! Dur-dur!!! Cette mésaventure m’est déjà arrivée aussi, alors je sais!…😀
      Si tu te rappelles tes questions, je ne demande pas mieux que tu me les écrives à nouveau, cette fois sans oublier le “Post comment” à cliquer…

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  2. Bhaga
    Oct 04, 2011 @ 01:24:41

    Un Post-Scriptum:
    le dernier commentaire de ta part dont j’ai connaissance, pour avoir la traduction française du texte de Sri Aurobindo que j’ai cité concernant la Concentration dans le coeur, je crois bien y avoir répondu en disant que “j’allais chercher”; c’est ce que j’ai fait en effet, sans succès jusqu’à présent, comme je te le dirai en nouvelle réponse à ce commentaire-là de ta part, tout de suite, si la connexion veut bien se tenir correctement (!!!) et durer encore un peu!…

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  3. Bhaga
    Oct 04, 2011 @ 01:39:21

    De : bjm.loos@
    Date : 3 octobre 2011 16:56:47 GMT+05:30
    À : bhaga@auroville.org.in

    Hi Bhaga,

    I tried to post this text as a comment to your most recent blog entry. However I couldn’t login to the WordPress server from my iPad and I’m on the road right now, so I do not have access to a regular PC. Pray a personal mail is allright too? I’ll also post it as a comment when I am at home again (after figuring out how to login at WordPress).

    Greetings,
    Ben

    <<<<>>>

    Well Bhaga, there ARE people in the void, that are not only listening to you, but also sympathizing with you and recognizing at least some of the inner and outer aspects of your quest. Take myself: Although living away from Auroville, in the Netherlands, still I am engaged in the yoga of Sri Aurobindo and The Mother with more or less success. Like you (I suppose). For decades, like you. Fond of the spiritual saga of Tolkien. Like you. And what’s more: I like you. Well, your writings, as I didn’t have the privilige of meeting you in person.

    Then why this silence? I don’t know. Maybe because most of the times I simply just totally agree with you. Ok, that’s not a reason for staying dumb. Maybe indeed, it’s the almost insurmountable effort of expressing one’s deepest thoughts and feelings in a language that is not one’s mother’s tongue. But I’ll try to improve my behaviour!

    In the meantime, I might suggest taking things the Gita way: not to be attached or even to be motivated by the results of one’s actions. Just doing them because they are the right things to do. I know: It’s not easy. Sometimes one forgets and despairs. But remember then: Voids are not altogether empty. The latest findings in physics also seem to point to that. There is a void, silent and all, that’s backing you up!

    Ben

    Verstuurd vanaf mijn iPad

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    • Bhaga
      Oct 04, 2011 @ 02:18:47

      Thank you so much, Ben!
      I do hope you will find the way to access my blog in the right way and will be able to put up your next comment(s) directly there the next time(s), but in the meantime I have put this first one up myself from my email-box for everybody to see already, it’s so kind and comforting !…
      As for the Gita, my central me has no problem with that advice it gives (totally relevant indeed!), but it’s one of the kids inside me who is not yet able to do that quite well and is still fretting and worrying all the same!!! Your gentle and downright funny answer might do well to heal it and help it grow, though, thank you for taking the trouble to write it right away as you did in spite of the difficult circumstances!
      It’s really nice to start finding out WHO is peopling the Void in this case; and feel free to contribute something about that from the scientific side too, I don’t need to be the only contributor to this blog…🙂

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  4. Katalina
    Oct 11, 2011 @ 10:14:15

    Just keep on writing. One day, more people like me will be able to express themselves better. In the meanwhile you are just bringing a smile to my face and a kind of inner joy that I am not alone but connected through the inner work.
    Love, Katalina

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    • Bhaga
      Oct 12, 2011 @ 00:42:36

      Love to you too, sweet Katalina, for saying this, which brings a smile to my face as well… That inner connection is there indeed, and precious to me too. Thank you for expressing it sometimes… in answer this time to my need!

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  5. Katalina
    Oct 11, 2011 @ 10:16:33

    Easy but not simple!

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    • Bhaga
      Oct 12, 2011 @ 00:47:18

      What do you mean?!? I really meant myself the opposite: simple (= not complicated) but not easy to do successfully! Please do explain your own point of view, I am interested to know what your experience of this is…🙂

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