About the ‘Big Danger’ out there – I mean, the sea eroding our beach more and more, the crashing waves coming closer and closer day after day to the fence and our houses – my thoughts are more or less in control:
I am firmly resting upon the Divine Grace to take care of that extremely important problem in the best possible way, as happened already wonderfully well last year when the same seasonal worsening finally subsided, a mere few meters before our fence was reached, and the next, reverse seasonal phase, of relative ‘beach building’, at last started, to our huge relief.
I am doing my own part in saving this beach, and hopefully also this whole part of the Coast of Coromandel (the local fishermen houses too should be protected, not just our ones in the Auroville settlements!…), simply by trying to follow the advice received from ‘God’ and quoted in my recent post ‘Health… through FUN’:
So I do try my best to just ‘have a good day’, every day, in spite of that constant threat from the advancing ocean… I have succeeded in not thinking of this ocean as an enemy, that’s already a big inner victory !…
But watching my thoughts go on non stop about almost any other subject is just constant consternation for me: how far I still am from being free of care and worry! *big sigh*…
Oh no, here I go again: even that precise thought and that heavy sigh about myself, are actually so negative too, so energy destroying in my own being!!! I’m already feeling quite depressed. Stop, stop, stop, this isn’t the way, it only aggravates things!…. I have to immediately add that from now on it will get better.
The problem is, it is those usually unconscious thoughts or trends of thoughts, whatever they are, positive or negative, that then become the recorded Script for what will indeed happen, or go on happening, in our life!!! So we all better watch out what is going on all the time in our heads…
Do you like to give it a try and watch your own thoughts for a while too?… Even doing that might prove to be not so easy, as our attention wavers and shifts all the time its vague focus, but let’s assume you manage to at least for a while keep your attention upon watching your thoughts. You might be in for a bad surprise just like me, and discover you too have quite a lot of inner work ahead of you for controlling that Script!!! If instead it is a good surprise, please do write to me about it: I’ll really be glad to know how you are getting such a good result!!!
Until now, though, my own tendency seems to be in the downward direction, as far as background thoughts are concerned…
Even regarding this blog also I keep worrying, stupidly but endlessly, with this nagging question: ‘Am I doing this work satisfactorily enough?…’
Thanks to the ‘Site Stats’ (thank you, WordPress!), I am able to check at any time, every day or more often if I like, how many persons have visited this blog of mine, and what posts they have chosen to read.
Every time, I can see that the numbers are reassuringly good, and quite steadily rising since I started a few months ago, which should be encouragement enough for me to go on without worrying about people’s possible bad reactions to what I write on all those rather sensitive subjects.
Still, the fact that all those visitors, although they are in increasing number, generally don’t leave any comment, and that only rarely does anyone take the trouble to put down in writing the reactions they had while reading my latest post or any other one they happened to be attracted to on that day, this frustrating fact bothers me no end. I keep feeling I’m kind of talking to a void, and I don’t like it.
I seem to need the constant (or at least frequent!…) reassurance of positive comments, to sustain in myself the confidence that I am doing a good job, and people are interested in what I write, and appreciating it, and this blog is serving its purpose all right. Whenever that outer reassurance isn’t coming at all for many days, I start worrying again.
I know very well it is totally ridiculous, given the actual and undeniable reassurance from the Site Stats, but still I start worrying and then my blog isn’t any more for me a source of happiness and satisfaction as it normally is: during these few months since I began this blog, it has been such a joy for me to be able to express and put out to an interested and appreciative audience all those research documents as well as personal thoughts and experiences I have been accumulating over the last forty years of my life, totally engrossed as I have been in this invisible, but so powerful process of Conscious Evolution!
It is really a pity that this ludicrous tendency to worry and to lose self-confidence is able to come in the way of that joy I normally have in fulfilling – actually well, it seems – the most important outer work I have been given the talent for: giving talks about Conscious Evolution as I know it, and writing about it.
So this blog, like many other aspects of my life, has unexpectedly – but I guess inevitably! – become for me one more field of self-training for overcoming these stupid ego-born reactions that keep popping up from inside our being, showing us again and again how much what still remains of our ego is limiting us and interfering with what should be, in the true Divine Consciousness, a life of constant delight:
‘(…) God’s eternal delight in becoming, seeing and doing.’ (‘Thoughts & Aphorisms’ #330, Sri Aurobindo)
For our relationships too, and, especially important in Auroville, for the realization of our Unity in Diversity , our thoughts are usually such a hindrance, when they could be on the contrary such a help: just this morning I was reading again one older post of mine, ‘Voluntary Guinea-Pigs cum Researchers’, already about the power of thoughts like this one; in that post I explained how our negative thoughts about each other will affect the other person negatively, keeping him or her under the added weight of the bad image we have of them, and making it much more difficult for them to change for the better, when our negative beliefs or memories about them are imprisoning them in that very way of being our thoughts accuse them of having.
Also in the Auroville place where I live, there is so much of this going on, including inside myself, as we try to work together but keep having difficulties to understand and forgive each other’s failings and short-comings. Even more than all the outer challenges, this one is so daunting… My only recourse, when everything else seems to go wrong, is to ardently pray that we all be helped to change, to get rid of our egoes, mine first of all… Everywhere in the world it is the same problem, the same problem, the same problem, and it brings so much misery on us human beings, and on this planet… Watching our thoughts could make already a big difference indeed. A simple, but not easy task, that’s true, but not an impossible one: a challenge to be urgently taken up by all those willing to help our world change, from within.