Two American/Canadian Jokes…

Posting long delayed again by bad weather and no internet connection, but here it come at last: some FUN first, this time!…

As we have just traveled together briefly to the US for Thanksgiving, perhaps it’s a perfect time for a little American Joke… or actually two, for both are quite short and from the other main country in North America: Canada.
Here is the first one, from the English-speaking part of Canada, the other one will be from the French part of it, Québec. Both, I think, make fun of the same very funny indeed characteristic in the Americans in general and as a country:

American Joke 1
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The following is allegedly the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995, as released by the Chief of Naval Operations:

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES’ ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT’S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

If that one sent you ROTFL (Rolling on The Floor Laughing) as it does to me, please allow yourself a minute to recover before the next one:    

The coming second one I heard on the Francophone channel, TV5 Monde, told by a hilarious guy originally from ex-French colony Senegal in Africa, who has emigrated to Québec some time back, and is quite irresistible every time with his (obviously Sagittarian) spoofy sense of humor, so contagious you start laughing even before he tells his jokes, just by looking at his merry face and twinkling eyes and his huge smile with the characteristic gap between the two front teeth (I can’t say if he has also the second characteristic, the short legs, as I have seen only his face and upper body, not the full body).

I don’t know his name yet, but here is, in my own translation from his French, the story he told that day (it was October 8, this year), hardly managing to keep a straight face till the end, when he just burst into happy laughter upon the last words:

American Joke 2

Recently there has been a big opinion poll all over the world, formulated as one question; but the poll didn’t happen successfully, because in several countries some of the words weren’t known, so the people in those countries didn’t understand the question and couldn’t answer.
The question was:

“What is your opinion about the food penury in the rest of the world?”

In Darfur and most other African countries, they didn’t know what ‘food’ meant;

In Europe they didn’t know what ‘penury’ meant;

In the countries from the ex-Soviet Union, they didn’t know what ‘opinion’ meant;

And in the US they didn’t know what ‘the rest of the world’ meant.
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