When not feeling like an Adventurer…

To be an Adventurer is not a usual or natural thing for me at all.  I am training myself to feel like one at all times, but the present truth is that I am still far from that point. Particularly, I am so easily discouraged… In a period like this one now, when recovering from a disaster, any set back is a hard blow… It feels like the proverbial (in French) ‘Rocher de Sisyphe’: Sisyphus, the Greek mythology hero condemned, for some wrong deed, to push a heavy rock uphill all the way to the summit, only to see the rock go rolling all the way back down, and to have to start pushing it up all over again… and again and again… Dreadful.

When this feeling creeps in, only one way for me to get it out of my system: change activity, let go, think of something else, relax, until the good energy is back and I can look again at the stuck situation with a fresh outlook, and find the right solution which before had escaped my sight.

To regain one’s sense of humor also helps a lot. If some work isn’t getting done, that should be getting done, frustration and anger will not help a bit, but humor most often will… and at least it will keep us from exploding, except from laughter, which would be perfectly appropriate, for that would mean we were having FUN. The Divine in us, besides being the Absolute, loves also just having FUN: being the Divine means  not just being the Absolute but also being the Player who revels into all these happenings, however challenging or downright crazy, in all these worlds/bubbles of Relativity.

So, right now, after my usual early morning Monday work from 7 to 10, making breakfast ready for all our Guests and the few odd Aurovilians from other parts of Auroville who may also come and join, having made sure everybody was happy with their breakfast, now I lazily sit here at my desk inside my beloved home, enjoying thoroughly the more leisurely pace of my writing to you all through this blog.

Blogging feels almost like holiday to me, and that’s good, as since several years I’ve not been having any other holiday to speak of: one hour at dawn to be fully with my body-cells, salute the sun together, sometimes if the ocean is quiet go for a swim along the shore, and then go back home to be dressed and ready in time for receiving the daily workers I have to give their work to and supervise along the day – if they do come; if for any reason they don’t, there is no one else to replace them, so I have to do a good part of their daily tasks myself, on top of my own real work.

It is not always easy for other Aurovilians who don’t live here and happen to have better circumstances and a more orderly life, to understand why also fulfilling the normal administrative tasks can be so difficult for me in the present situation; here is what I wrote about ten days ago to someone in the overall Auroville Financial Services, located at the Town Hall, quite far away for my old second-hand scooter which often doesn’t start:

“If I haven’t come back as soon as I hoped I would be able to,it is not because I don’t want to come, or I forget about it, or I consider it unimportant; but since that Saturday afternoon when exceptionally I found myself free for a few hours and I quickly came, it has been a non-stop flow in and out, of guests and would-be guests, and of concrete problems of all kinds to be solved all the time here, for the recovery of the place and its daily life: we had no water for a full week until yesterday, for example…Why don’t you come one morning for breakfast here in Repos, between 7 and 10 am, at our Community Kitchen?
That would give you an idea of the crazy life I’m having all day long, seven days a week, since three years, without a single day off ever, simply to keep Repos alive and going, while also doing enough of my primary work for Auroville (which is research and teaching about Conscious Evolution) to justify the maintenance I receive as the head and main researcher of the LOE, as well as to have the joy and fulfillment I feel from  those activities that are the work I really chose to do and am really good at.
To run a guest-house already means being available there practically day and night for all the aspects of the work that simply have to be done. If I don’t do that job well enough, there will soon be no book-keeping problem any more, because there will be no income and so, no Repos left at all either. The timings of the Financial Service aren’t obvious to comply with when the workers need you from 8 to 4.30, and the guests are expecting you to be there for them all the time. Even getting the necessary supplies from Pour Tous, for myself as well as for the Kitchen, may become impossible for days because of lack of time. No swimming for me, if not at dawn; on certain days I have to do without a proper shower and with hardly any sleep at all.  And as you know, financially too, it makes even my own life difficult.
So, I am all for coming again for that book-keeping work, but please, please understand it is not as easy as you think.
Today I managed to go to Pour Tous at last; to-morrow hopefully it will be the turn of the Town Hall…

Bhaga”

This is the kind of Adventure I am in at the moment – and that includes the several hour power-cuts every day and the voltage either so high it burns out even the voltage stabilizers, or so low fridges and washing-machines and modems can’t work. If it were not part of the vaster Adventure of Auroville, and if I were not doing all this anyway as part of my own individual life dedicated to conscious evolution and generally to terrestrial evolution, I doubt that I would experience any of this as an adventure at all…! At least what to anybody else would seem to be just an exhausting and not so interesting life, is for me the means of my necessary inner progress, so I am not complaining, I am only explaining… And this is all my choice, mind you, I could go and live elsewhere in Auroville if I really wanted to. But I do love living right in front of the limitless ocean, with the vastness of the sky and its stars above me at night, and the rise of the moon, and at the end of the night the glorious sunrise upon the horizon!… And during the day the sound of the waves and the sight of the coconut palms moving in the breeze give me at least psychologically the impression of being on perpetual holiday by being here…!I’m learning the inner ‘Repos’, yes…,

5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. raiyankamal
    Apr 11, 2012 @ 14:53:33

    very hectic schedule indeed! Didn’t imagine repos to be so busy. I’ve run a guest house before, I’ve lived next to the sea as well. I have had the same feeling, to a somewhat smaller scale probably. But the strong connection I feel with the ocean, rewards of living next to it was greater than all that crazy hectic stuff and life feelt amazing. You also feel a strong connection with the ocean, don’t you ?

    Like

    Reply

  2. Nina
    Apr 11, 2012 @ 17:29:31

    ocean sounds are primary and primal

    do whatever is needful or necessary

    to stay near the ocean

    Like

    Reply

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