Re-entering the Flow of my Real Life

Now that in the place kindly allocated to me at Djaima, I am settled enough to feel at home in my new home on one side of the small separating wall, and to feel at ease and inspired on the other side of that wall in my new work-space, today I have resumed giving workshops: someone asked me to a few days ago, who needs it to be over before November 22.

Someone else who has previously done some inner work with me at Repos has recontacted me again and again since many months from far away to do the promised workshop on Cellular Consciousness in French  – which I have done often and without any problem, as French is my mother tongue – but on top of it this time it must be from afar, that is, by email and Skype and other such things; that will be a first time for me and is not an obvious thing to do with a workshop about inner states of consciousness, moreover at the cellular level of one’s being. We are exploring what technical means at our disposal will serve us best for this particular endeavor.

And there is someone else too who has asked since some time already to do the Cellular Consciousness workshop, the normal way and in English, but at the moment she is on a short journey outside of India to renew her visa, so it will happen only when she is back, no urgency for that one.

The workshop I just started to give this morning is the ‘Introduction to the Integral Yoga, Sri Aurobindo, the Mother and the Spiritual Dimension of Auroville’. Although this person can understand French, we decided to do it in English, which is easier for her, as for me it doesn’t matter which of the two languages I use, when it is for my workshops. In other contexts, I must say I am quite ignorant of the many colloquial expressions used all the time by people in daily life, at school or at work, in a bus or a train, and I am unable to follow films in English unknown to me, without English sub-titles or even sometimes French one at the beginning; but luckily for my need of communication with other people about spiritual matters, having read many excellent books by very good writers (Sri Aurobindo among them of course to start with), I have over the years learned enough appropriate words and ways to say what I want to say, there is usually no problem at all, I am in fact hardly aware that I am expressing myself in English instead of French… although  to a real English-speaking audience my French accent betrays me at once, not so much in the sounds, but in the accentuation of the words as they would be pronounced by an authentic English-speaking person! In Auroville, you hear all the time English spoken with a Tamil accent, a Hindi accent, an Italian accent, a Spanish accent, a Russian accent, a Corean accent, and so on and so forth, the French accent is only one of the many culprits responsible for even the American, Australian, Irish and yes, the British Aurovilians themselves to gradually lose some of their genuine original accent, to the extent that visiting friends or family members will notice it, and are usually horrified…!

So, it is with joy and no embarrassment at all that this morning I resumed in English my oral teaching, one more of my normal activities in this life that since 1984 I have chosen to live as a researcher and teacher: this blog, like my Facebook page, is something else, started hesitantly and reluctantly, which I have come to cherish as yet another way to reach out to other people all over the world and communicate with them on these topics so important to me, which they happen to be also interested in or themselves involved in as well in their own way.

I must say it is with immense relief that I feel every day less and less on my shoulders the too heavy burden I have had to carry for too long: the fate of Repos, so dear to me, resting  almost entirely upon me, not only outwardly, but also to some extent inwardly too – I’ll come back to that in some other post on some other day, but today I want to keep focusing on the contrary feeling, which is growing finally so strong in me, that I am at last re-entering the flow of my real life, my life as the Founder and Head of the ‘Laboratory of Evolution’, able again to give my full time and energy to the activities that come to me as naturally and spontaneously as singing comes to a bird, the activities I couldn’t help but start doing already while still doing some other work for Auroville, before this became my official work.

To have had to do for several years other activities that were not natural to me and not chosen by me, but had simply fallen upon me out of necessity, so that the place would remain alive and earning still enough to take care of itself as much as possible,  that necessity provided me with an interesting challenge, no doubt, and drew out of me qualities and talents I didn’t know I had even in that modest measure; but to have to cope with a more and more difficult situation year after year did produce in me a stress that was not counter-balanced by enough of the activities I really enjoy and find deeply fulfilling.

So my life became somewhat unbalanced, and I am now recovering gradually that sense of balance in my life that I had lost.

I felt stuck, because there was nothing else I could do about that whole situation there, than what I was already doing to the best of my ability; only my intangible faith in the Divine protected me all along from discouragement and despair, certain as I was that the Divine would bring about the solution, whatever it would be, at the right time, if only I managed to hold on long enough for that right moment to arrive.

Well, the solution that came has been kind of radical,  I will not deny it, but there is no denying either that the needed result is there, definitely positive as far as my deeper purpose and true contribution to the world are concerned: it is as if I am slowly coming back to life, to that real life of mine I had been unable to live fully enough during those last several years. I don’t regret any of it, for I have also grown through it, but now it is time to go back full swing to what I really love to do, and am truly good at.

On ‘The One Ring Net’, that website and those great Boards (forums) about all things Tolkien that I used to participate in joyfully and usefully,  it happened now and then over the years that some of the other participants would kind of disappear, and pay only brief visits afterwards, explaining with a sigh that they had no time any more to join, because of ‘RL’: Real Life… I used to pity them.

In recent years I have been forced  to become one of them myself, and to visit those fabulously rich and interesting Boards only on very rare occasions, for lack of time.

Well, this is over. “Hold on, dear folks at ‘The One Ring Net’, here I come again!”

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The Divine Grace, I am thinking with total glee, has provided me with a work which not only justifies but has the obligation to include participation in such meaningful Boards. I am going to resume that other beloved activity very determinedly too, from now on, for all this happens to be what my own official Real Life is actually about!!! How lucky I am!… A flow of gratitude fills my heart as I realize once again how lucky, no, how blessed I am to have such a wonderful ‘RL’ to rejoice in, day in and day out, and to share with you all, wherever you live your own ‘RL’ on this little planet Earth speeding along its own ‘RL’ of ongoing Evolution, with all of us aboard…

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