Only Through this Blog as a Whole Will You Get the Overall Picture

Since I started this Research Blog in 2011 as one more way to reach out to other people anywhere who might be interested, each of my posts has inevitably addressed only one part of the Full Picture needed to understand how it all works within ourselves once we consciously take up the path of Conscious Evolution, particularly as this Integral Yoga Sri Aurobindo and the Mother devised especially for this purpose.

It may have started in its own limited way long before, sometimes already in our early childhood, with strange happenings now and then that we didn’t even know were ‘spiritual experiences, although later on we may have realized they actually were. It has been the case with me, so I know, but still it is only when I read for the first time the first lines of ‘The Life Divine’, my first book by Sri Aurobindo (https://labofevolution.wordpress.com/2016/05/30/my-first-contact-with-sri-aurobindo-1971/), that my whole life has really entered consciously that Path, which it has never left since. Massive experience after massive experience ensued, already while I was still in France, and then as soon as I arrived in Auroville it was as if the Inner Motor was finally turned really on for good.

So my visitors shouldn’t judge of my present overall spiritual condition only from the recent posts in which I have purposely revealed some of the inner flaws that, like anyone else, I too have had or still have to conquer – or in fact to offer at some point in total humility to our Divine Mother, the Divine as the eternal Mother of the divine child eternally growing in me: for only with Her all-powerful Help can we ever truly overcome an inner obstacle… or simply feel the obstacle suddenly melt and altogether vanish from our being.

It is our Psychic Being, the being of the Soul within us, that gives us that spontaneous, deep and irresistible, childlike Love for the Divine, and the total trust in Him/Her that makes us spontaneously give ourselves totally to that Wonder of Love and Wisdom and Power and Delight that we gradually find is also the One, unique Being our own Higher Self is a particular aspect of, from eternity and for eternity.

So if you read more of those past posts I have also written here since 2011, you will see that the required Psychicisation and Spiritualisation processes have been actually going full blast in me since decades, and far from abating, it is only increasing ever, either in depth or in vastness of the experiences lived again and again in various forms so that the entire being, down to its very body-cells, becomes more and more impregnated with the Divine Reality hiding secretly in each of us, waiting to be discovered and lived ever more constantly as our new normal life.

The little amusing story that I wrote about in my just previous post, is only the latest of those ever surprising advances one may see manifest in oneself, as our Divine Mother makes good use of absolutely any circumstance in our outer life to help us understand something more, or become able to do or be something we couldn’t before. In that way She cuts out every time better one more facet of the future fully revealed divine diamond that each of us is…

diamond

So for grasping the entire Process through which She does in each of us at every moment this wonderful revealing, it is also not enough to read just the last few posts I have written. Each and every post from before has also presented some other part of this Process, that might be useful for you personally, if not today, perhaps at some later point when you suddenly remember having read it and its contents become at once exactly relevant for that moment in your own life…

That’s what Conscious Evolution is about, being simply described this way or that other way along my posts, showing how charmingly varied and ever unexpected this whole Process is, that our entire life gradually becomes, as we enter more and more into the World of the Wonderful.

 

 

 

 

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Introducing my own Inner Family

At the end of my previous post, which was about ‘The Rich Complexity of our Being’, I called all those various inner parts of us, in a half joking manner,  our ‘Inner Family’… A rather dysfunctional one to start with, it seems, for most of us!… But let’s not lose hope: harmony can be learned, also within ourselves, through the practice of the Integral Yoga meant  precisely for that integral transformation.

Well, over the years I started having vague impressions of what the main inner parts of me looked like, so to say, or rather what they felt like to me, but for long it remained a very vague, blurry kind of picture, never reaching the stage of a clear one for any of them.

But then something happened in the last few years, which enables me today to introduce you to at least some of those members of my Inner Family, with , lo and behold, some actual (symbolic) images of them!!!

What happened is that since many-many years I have been keeping notes of my dreams and of my experiences at the cellular level. For keeping regularly such an important record for my research work about Conscious Evolution, I regularly got quite simply some little notebooks, the kind that kids use in school, from our internal small general store in Auroville.

For years the covers were photos of beautiful landscapes from all over the world, for awakening a concern for the environment in the kids who would use them. It was really nicely done. I myself enjoyed a lot looking at those spectacular places on the Earth that I would probably never visit, but at least I could know of and admire that way.

But one day when I needed soon a new notebook and went looking for one, all that was available was in a completely different style: the covers now were amusing drawings, probably more likely to attract children. Most of them didn’t attract me at all, though. Until I found one that immediately made me laugh out loud, right in the store, with the joy of recognition:

‘But this is my mental being!!!’ I exclaimed under my breath, and started smiling at it with total glee. The drawing was this one:

Image 2

I loved it!!! Without an instant of hesitation, I took it home and was eager to start using it when the previous one did come to an end.

This notebook was quite thick actually, so it stayed with me for an enjoyable rather long time, although I wrote on it daily, and often quite lengthy entries. But still after a while I had to go and find the next one…

This time, no funny drawings on the covers of the available notebooks. A different style again, and not inspiring at all. None of those that I looked at I liked, so what to do?… I kept still looking in the little pile. And suddenly, down at the very bottom, what I saw took my breath away. It was this:

Image 1

‘Oh my, a Unicorn!… What a beauty… So powerful, yet so calmly at rest in that lovely protected clearing, in that soft Soul Light… Wow, this must be a symbolic image for something of my Soul, of my Psychic Being! This picture is a pure Blessing from the Divine. I’m taking this home.’

There was one more notebook with the very same cover, of course I gladly added it to the first one.

Those two were again of the thick kind, so they took care of my daily notes for quite a few months. It was pure bliss to look at the cover every time I would use these two notebooks, the second one right after the first was finished. When still finally the time to find a new one came once more, it was with a heavy heart that I went again to that notebook shelf in the store: how could I ever find anything as great as that so resplendent and peaceful Unicorn?…

Surprise: the funny drawings were back on the covers for the whole new pile that was there. I sighed. Would I find again something at least worthwhile, even if only again in that funny style?

Almost at once it came up, quite funny indeed, and yet so charming in its own way:

Image

Just a split second looking at it, and then I knew, and smiled a huge, sweet grin of recognition again: this was my emotional being, of course! Unmistakable, in every detail of it, just like for the one I had found before that was also such a perfect image of my mental being!!!

I had to laugh softly, thinking of my emotional being so wonderfully rendered in that unexpected but so true portrait of it!…. ‘But wait a minute’, I suddenly thought, ‘what does that mean, getting now this specific little cover after the two wonderful Unicorns?’ Well, I had some idea what it meant, and I wasn’t sure I liked it: it meant that after the wonderful, long inner period that had rested and reinforced my inner strength and purity of purpose – right at the cellular level of my being – the Divine was now warning me somehow, with a smile, through this new so cute and amusing little cover, that my emotional being was going to get some further training, probably so as to be reinforced and purified too!

The ‘Unicorn’ period was still not over, as the second one of those notebooks was still only halfway through, so I kind of forgot what was likely to come next for my sadhana, But several weeks back the second ‘Unicorn’ notebook did come to an end and then came the turn of the cute, sweet girly teddy-bear all in pink, with her pink heart balloon begging for love just as her shy smile did…

My visitors here on this blog know only of the emotional shocks I mentioned, which related to Blogging, but of course that vulnerability is there also in other areas of my life, in an extreme way that as a young adult I soon saw had no cause at all in this lifetime. As I discovered later in Auroville (while in a deliberate trance), it is actually one of the two major ancient problems from another life, that I scripted myself to take up again in this lifetime, knowing that my deep spiritual progress this time around would enable me at last to heal that scarred and scared part of myself once and for all.

Well, when that waiting little notebook came finally to be used, oh my, that was it indeed!!! Since that month of July, emotional shocks from the most unexpected quarters have simply rained on me like hail. I was grateful to the Divine that thanks to this gentle but so clear warning through the new notebook’s cover, I was ready, and didn’t take anything too badly…! As you may have noticed in the end of my post about the shocks related to Blogging, a very liberating sense of humor started even to express itself about it all, right in my emotional being itself… So it is still for the time being a ‘Work in progress’, no doubt, but it is progressing indeed!

Now that you have some idea of what at least those main members of my Inner Family are like in my own case, what I will describe in future posts of the evolutive process as experienced by each of them will be, I hope, a livelier and funnier read, while giving you also, most importantly, a good example of what the Integral Yoga means in daily life…

 

 

 

The Rich Complexity of our Being

My recent post about ‘Blogging and the Emotional risks of it ‘ (in its English original, https://labofevolution.wordpress.com/2017/08/23/blogging-the-emotional-risks-of-it/) evoked from my visitors very varied reactions, all of them caring but a few slightly bewildered by what they saw as a surprising flaw in the results of my sadhana. One friend wrote to me this very moving comment:

‘We are all wounded children, so to say, and have those wounds behind the scenes effecting our choices and actions. I recently read an interview with a wife of a French spiritual teacher who passed a few years ago. She spoke quite candidly about herself. And the comment about ‘we are all wounded children’ struck me in its truth. I’m smart and read and meditate and do hatha yoga, vipassana intensives, have STD’s and still I’m lonely and a bit depressed. I believe that at least some of my study and knowledge and search has been a ‘spiritual bypass’. Have you heard that term?

“Spiritual bypassing, a term first coined by psychologist John Welwood in 1984, is the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with our painful feelings, unresolved wounds, and developmental needs. … Spiritual bypassing is a very persistent shadow of spirituality …”  (quoted from Robert Masters’ writings: ‘Spiritual bypassing’)

Otherwise these strong reactions would not blindside us so strongly.

I would otherwise be genuinely be non-attached to the results of my actions, as Krishna and just about every guide has recommended.’

‘Spiritual bypassing’?…

Such a criticism is indeed founded, at least regarding the older types of Yoga (even if  developed by contemporary spiritual gurus), which are not meant at all for any transformation of the outer personality, as they do not at all envisage a conscious evolution of the entire being: they can’t possibly see that such an integral transformation is absolutely needed in order to realize upon Earth a Divine Plan, as they have no idea such a Plan exists either…

But on the contrary It is probably on this point that Sri Aurobindo and the Mother’s ‘Integral Yoga’ approach is far superior to those more traditional methods of Yoga: this new, integral approach was entirely and especially conceived not just for a return of the soul alone to the beatific spiritual dimensions, but for fulfilling that Divine Plan of a continuing terrestrial evolution towards what Sri Aurobindo called ‘The Life Divine’, right here upon Earth.

Well, my own enduring emotional vulnerability could be seen as a similar failure as in the case of the lady teacher mentioned above (and of my friend too, it would seem, from what he adds about himself).

But in my own case it is not really a failure, and there doesn’t need to be a final failure for anyone else either if one follows the Integral Yoga, as I will explain just now, first through the very illuminating text by Sri Aurobindo that I anyway intended precisely to quote for this new blog post:

sri_aurobindo_letters_on_yoga_volume_i_medium

‘Men do not know themselves and have not learned to distinguish the different parts of their being; for these are usually lumped together by them as mind, because it is through a mentalised perception and understanding that they know or feel them; therefore they do not understand their own states and actions, or, if at all, then only on the surface. It is part of the foundation of yoga to become conscious of the great complexity of our nature, see the different forces that move it and get over it a control of directing knowledge. We are composed of many parts each of which contributes something to the total movement of our consciousness, our thought, will, sensation, feeling, action, but we do not see the origination or the course of these impulsions; we are aware only of their confused and pell-mell results on the surface upon which we can at best impose nothing better than a precarious shifting order.

The remedy can only come from the parts of the being that are already turned towards the Light. To call in the light of the Divine Consciousness from above, to bring the psychic being to the front and kindle a flame of aspiration which will awaken spiritually the outer mind and set on fire the vital being, is the way out.’

Sri Aurobindo, Letters on Yoga, pp.233

This whole bewildering complexity of our human nature, ignored or not taken into account in the traditional ways of Yoga (because not needed for their limited aim), is on the contrary the very basis for the approach taken in the Integral Yoga: to find the means of an ultimate actual transformation for each of all those disparate but indispensable elements of our nature. This is the only way to still have them all at our disposal later, but each one then with its divine way of functioning, upon completion of the long process necessary for such a total transformation.

None of it can be achieved in any permanent manner until the entire being finishes to undergo the last of the three absolutely needed stages of transformation: the Supramental Transformation.

It is for this foreseen and announced future result that Sri Aurobindo, decade after decade, slowly brought down from its own sovereign Dimension that supreme divine Power – the only one capable, once activated on Earth, of accomplishing in us such an higtherto impossible evolutive change : the Supramental Power .

It is then of course that same newly activated Consciousness-Force that has been at work in the Mother during the next nearly two decades, for the extremely difficult first attempt at the transformation of a physical body – her own, offered for this first experiment – through a gradual awakening of all its cells. After the other parts of her outer nature, her body-cells too had to undergo the two preliminary stages of transformation required:

1/ the Psychicization, thanks to the influence and coming forward, from within, of the Psychic Being (the Being formed around the Soul), and

2/ the Spiritualization, thanks to the influence and descent, from above, of all the Powers of the Higher Nature; the whole process culminating finally with

3/ the Supramentalization, bringing in fully the Divine Nature, and at last a stabilization of all the previous victories into a permanent Supramentalized Body, still physical but functioning in a new, supramental way.

One can easily perceive the daunting magnitude of this ‘Triple Transformation’ process, and understand that it cannot be accomplished in the linear manner our mind would think of and try… with disastrous results. It is not linear at all. The Spiritualization process, for example, may happen more or less together with the Psychicization, but neither will possibly become complete before both nearly are. The Supramentalization gets its turn for finalizing and stabilizing what has been achieved by the two previous stages of the overall Transformation, especially for what concerns the body, whose conscious awakening – a totally new evolutive event  on Earth – could start happening only thanks to this activation of the Supramental Power, directly in terrestrial Matter.

If one is wise enough to follow the advice consistently given by Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, that is, to put oneself with total trust and surrender into Her divine Hands, asking Her to please do it all for us, our Divine Mother will do everything indeed, in the right way and at the right time, so that the final result is reached in the best, fastest and safest possible manner for the gradual transformation of our unique individuality into its true, divine form. Each part of the being is bound, throughout this gigantic process, to be taken up by Her, improved as much as already possible, and then put aside… only to be taken up again later on for another progress that has in the meantime become possible… and so on and so forth! And as the years pass, things do get healed and  pacified in an amazing way within one’s being, which makes one become confident even about the other changes still to be realized fully…

So, my dear visitors, don’t be too shocked by the present condition of my emotional being: you have no idea how much worse it was before, and, thanks to the help of the Divine Mother, how much it has already progressed!!!  😀

And we are speaking now only of the emotional being, but what about the mental being, and the vital being, not to mention the body-cells?!.. This same huge process is going on also for them all, of course, and you have no idea how much has already changed, that I had sometimes despaired to ever see changing at all!…

For each person the specific vulnerabilities are different, so those who would laugh at my or anyone else’s weaknesses should rather first perhaps wonder what their own shortcomings might be, and from such an attentive self-observation gain the humility everyone should better have at all times while the various members of their Inner Family are gradually being so wonderfully re-educated, each of them in turn, one at a time every time, for a certain period of time, and then again and again… until the many facets of the hidden Diamond start all shining, more and more revealed in their true, eternal Beauty…

 

My Work for Auroville Since 1972

aurovillemap

A non-Aurovilian spiritual seeker from the US, who came to South India several times during the last few of the eighteen years I spent at Repos (then the main Beach Community of Auroville), around 2014, and who became a friend then, is still keeping in touch through email and this Research Blog of mine, as we have in common many spiritual interests.  But a recent comment by him made me realize suddenly that I had somehow left him ignorant of what my work for Auroville actually was, and this, at a time when it seemed pretty mush like I was just looking after Repos as a whole and its Guest facilities in particular. When that whole era came to an end because of the coastal erosion that brutally wiped out the place, what work remained for me to do for Auroville after that must have been a rather confusing question indeed for those who didn’t know better!

As quite a few of my visitors here know me only through this Blog, they could very well be as ignorant, or at least not have a clear idea at all either, of what has been my work for Auroville, and where, since joining in 1972. To remedy this, I am posting a copy of my reply to that friend, as a cheerful piece of information for all, that will later be permanently available as an added Page, for it will help people figure out which Auroville place I am talking about in this or that Post, why, and in which area it is located:

Dear friend,

You are asking me:
“So are you working for Auroville again? Volunteering at a library or research? ”

My surprised answer is:

But I never stopped working for Auroville!…  😀
There is a misunderstanding somewhere, it would seem, in your image of me and my work for AV, that needs clarifying… Here goes:

From my arrival in 1972 as a young certified teacher in the Classics (yes, French, Latin and Greek Literature!…), I did much appreciated work teaching French as a second language at the various schools starting to exist, and also helping build Matrimandir, while already doing a lot of important evolutive research work on my own, unofficially, because I couldn’t help but doing it, for my own evolution first of all.
But in 1984 I was led to become very officially the founder and head researcher of the ‘Laboratory of Evolution – Centre for Human Unity’ (LOE-CHU), still located for the time being at Bharat Nivas, just next to the small official Indian Post-office also located there.
The ever richer Specialized Library that the LOE-CHU has now, was actually started and developed by me from 1984 on, and run entirely by me for the first several years. But it was so time-consuming that the Research aspect of my work was hindered, so it is with relief that I finally entrusted our Library to another then young Aurovilian lady who proposed herself for that work in 1990, and still does it with a small team of other Aurovilians, while a few other persons joined me also for the Research aspect.
I still attend to the Library work one afternoon a week, although by now all my other work is done at ‘Luminosity’ (in my little office downstairs or even my home upstairs) as there is no room left in our small building at Bharat Nivas: the Research and all the work it entails has to happen elsewhere – but at least with the big advantage of having all this ever growing amount of documentation available right in our LOE-CHU Library, which many other Aurovilians and Guests cherish too.
After twenty years of unexpectedly but increasingly having experiences of an awakening Cellular Consciousness, which I kept carefully secret, in 1996 the secret accidentally was revealed. The workshops about that cutting edge specific topic and the Integral Yoga in general, that I was asked to give in AV from 1998 (from 2001 to 2007, also invited all over the world) have never stopped: even while I was still at Repos, and later more inland, at Djaïma, for two years, people would keep coming to me for that, and now too of course, as I live more in the Centre, at Luminosity. But I don’t want to travel any longer, it is too tiring.
The blog I am writing since 2011 is only an addition to all that, one more expression of the experiential as well as theoretical Evolutive Research that is going on in me for so many years, literally at every single moment of my life and at all levels of my being, as the Integral Yoga says ‘All life is Yoga’, and for evolutive purposes it cannot but be that way…!
So I would never stop that evolutive work and this research I love doing about it, which I am ever so grateful to the Divine that it has become since 1984 my official work for AV, providing me with a maintenance for my basic needs, and so enabling me not to need any other outer work than what is anyway my true passion, my life’s mission to both live and document.
And that Research includes of course as well whatever evolutive progress I notice anywhere else, in Auroville itself or in other parts of the world…. for example in the USA: this is how thanks to miraculous funding I visited twice (in 1991 and 2001) both the Edgar Cayce Foundation and the Monroe Institute, that I had first discovered the existence and work of much earlier, through my own Research (see some of my blog-posts about that, under the Cayce and Monroe categories).
Hoping that all confusion about my work for Auroville is now cleared for good,

Bhaga 🙂

Bloguer… et les risques émotionnels de le faire

Eh bien, en plus de la raison principale dont j’ai parlé dans mon post précédent (dans la traduction française,  https://labofevolution.wordpress.com/2017/08/18/trois-mois-de-silence-et-de-yoga-integral/  ) , en fait, il y a eu aussi une raison plus négative pour laquelle j’ai cessé de bloguer pendant longtemps. Je voudrais mentionner cette raison spécifique, car elle m’a en fait aidée à constater en moi une vulnérabilité encore trop intense aux commentaires que certains visiteurs peuvent écrire, qui peuvent ne pas être totalement positifs, voire même être totalement négatifs …!

Cela arrive très rarement, mais au fil des ans, depuis 2011, lorsque j’ai commencé ce blog, chaque fois que cela est arrivé, cela m’a causé un choc émotionnel majeur.

Pourquoi devrait-il en être ainsi? …

La première et évidente raison est que, par tempérament, je suis extrêmement émotive pour commencer, c’est sûr. Mais même cela ne suffirait pas à expliquer le genre de douleur au coeur que je ressens lorsque je découvre un commentaire tout à fait négatif sur l’un de mes messages: c’est comme si une longue aiguille soudainement perçait mon cœur.

En écrivant ceci, le souvenir me vient d’un commentaire de J.R.R.Tolkien, dans une lettre, sur la façon dont il se sentait après avoir fini d’écrire “Le Seigneur des Anneaux” – ce qui pour lui n’était pas simplement une fiction ou une «fantasy», mais l’expression même de son monde intérieur le plus secret depuis sa petite enfance et sa jeunesse … c’est pourquoi il avait choisi la Philologie et son étude des épopées anciennes mondiales comme sa manière officielle et respectable de continuer, en tant qu’adulte dans sa carrière extérieure, ce qui avait de toutes façons été sa passion intérieure intense et irrésistible pour aussi longtemps qu’il pouvait se le rappeller.

Non encore publié, mais écrit bien avant, lors de son expérience directe de la Première Guerre mondiale, son «Silmarillion» chéri était déjà là, avec la «Terre du Milieu» autour de lui comme le fond vaste, riche et inspiré auquel tous ses écrits ultérieurs appartenait inévitablement aussi.

«Le Hobbit», le premier à être publié, avait été un énorme succès. Déjà, lors du démarrage de cette supposée suite toute simple du «Hobbit» qui devenait rapidement «Le Seigneur des Anneaux», dans sa lettre il avait prévenu son éditeur que tout cela était, en quelque sorte, en pleine expansion; et il avait essayé d’expliquer les raisons intérieures pour lesquelles cela se produisait; Alors il avait ajouté:
«Eh bien, j’ai parlé assez longtemps de mes propres folies. Ce qui importe est de terminer la chose telle qu’elle est conçue et ensuite de la laisser être jugée. Mais pardonnez-moi! C’est ma vie qui est écrite là, mon sang, tel qu’il est, de quelque qualité que ce soit; et je ne peux rien y changer. ‘(Lettre 109)

Plus tard, alors qu’il se préparait à en voir la sortie comme livre publié que tout le monde pourrait lire, il a encore écrit, répondant cette fois à un ami:
«Je crains que ce ne soit que vraisemblable: ce que vous dites au sujet des critiques et du public. Je redoute la publication, car il sera impossible de ne pas se soucier de ce qui sera dit. J’ai exposé mon coeur pour qu’on lui tire dessus. ‘(Lettre 142)

Est-il besoin de dire que c’est comme ça que je me sens aussi ?…
Ce dont je parle, ici sur ce blog, ce n’est pas seulement de la «littérature», ce ne sont pas non plus des sujets extérieurs, superficiels, cherchant seulement à intéreser ou si possible impressionner les visiteurs potentiels; même lorsque ce sont des citations «simplement» d’autres êtres plus grands que moi, ce sont ces citations qui m’ont été les plus chères en tant que mes propres lignes de vie depuis des décennies, et qui le sont encore.
Et dans beaucoup de mes publications, les contenus plus personnels sont encore plus révélateurs de mon moi profond, avec ses qualités et ses dons spécifiques, oui, mais aussi ses nombreuses difficultés – ouvrant
alors la porte évidemment au sarcasme, si un lecteur est enclin à cela .
Il n’y a pas d’autre façon, je crois, que d’accepter une telle vulnérabilité, si je veux atteindre l’objectif que ce blog a pris dès le début, ainsi que je l’ai
expliqué, et qu’il a toujours: voir ma DÉCLARATION D’INTENTION ( https://labofevolution.wordpress.com/about/declaration-dintention/ )


La raison originelle pour laquelle j’ai commencé ce blog?
Cela a simplement été en réponse à la gentille
suggestion d’une autre Blogueuse que je suivais à ce moment-là. Elle s’intéressa à un aspect spécifique de ma propre recherche en cours, que je lui avais expliqué dans quelques commentaires, et elle m’a conseillé de commencer un blog sur ce sujet si fascinant.
Je n’étais pas sûre du tout d’en être capable, mais avec sa constante aide en ligne pour faire face aux obstacles techniques pour moi redoutables, à ma grande surprise je me suis bientôt
retrouvée en effet en train d’écrire un blog!… En premier sur ce sujet … et ensuite, mûe de l’intérieur, avec bonheur et ouvertement, sur d’autres sujets aussi: les plus importants en réalité à mes yeux …
Et c’est alors que ma nouvelle amie s’est soudainement transformée en l’opposé de l’amie qu’elle avait été pour moi jusque-là: elle n’avait aucune idée de la grandeur réelle de Sri Aurobindo et de la Mère, et semblait soupçonner toute spiritualité de toute façon, si bien qu’elle ne comprenait ni ne partageait nullement
mon respect et ma gratitude pour eux, loin de là.
En dépit de mes meilleurs efforts pour lui expliquer sur quelles raisons profondes et convaincantes mon dévouement pour eux était basé, à la fin il est devenu évident qu’il n’y avait aucun moyen de la faire changer d’avis à leur propos, alors nos routes se sont séparées. Mais cela a été une grande douleur pour moi que de découvrir cette différence majeure – et pour elle infranchissable – entre nous, par la brusque et brutale hostilité qu’elle a exprimée envers moi dès que Sri Aurobindo et la Mère ont été mentionnés sur mon Blog.

Néanmoins, je lui suis toujours reconnaissante pour l’aide si généreuse donnée au début, et pour avoir été l’instrument du Divin afin de me faire entrer dans le monde merveilleux du Blogging! Cet incident douloureux dès le début avec cette Blogueuse beaucoup plus expérimentée a été un précieux avertissement de ce qui pouvait très bien se reproduire à tout moment avec quelqu’un d’autre parmi les «visiteurs» ou les «adeptes» réguliers que mon blog a commencé à attirer – par ses propres mérites, et non en raison d’une stratégie consciente de ma part.

Ensuite, pour une longue période, ma vie en tant que Blogueuse (à temps partiel) a été plutôt heureuse … sauf que je me suis souvent interrogée avec une certaine perplexité sur toutes ces personnes qui lisaient bien mon blog (je pouvais voir les chiffres des Statistiques, et les nouveaux “adeptes” qui continuaient à s’ajouter eux aussi) mais étaient apparemment tous désapprobateurs de la procédure du «Liking» au contraire si populaire sur la plupart des autres blogs! … Je soupçonnais un peu que le Divin faisait en sorte que cela se passe de cette façon afin de ne pas encourager ma tendance à peut-être rechercher un peu trop l’approbation et l’appréciation des autres concernant mon travail … mais tout de même… !!!

Et il y a quelques mois, c’est arrivé à nouveau: deux personnes, l’une après l’autre, ont exprimé un commentaire très négatif sur un de mes articles.

J’ai été prise par surprise, et anéantie.

C’était comme si des gens en lesquels j’avais cru en quelque sorte comme en des amis me frappaient soudain au visage ou dans l’estomac. Cela faisait mal.

À tel point que, après quelques semaines, j’ai remarqué que je ne pouvais plus rien  écrire à nouveau. Sur quoi que ce soit.

Alors j’ai raisonné avec moi-même: allais-je vraiment arrêter mon Blog juste à cause de deux personnes qui m’avaient fait mal par leurs commentaires?! Ce serait tout à fait ridicule!…

Mais essayez donc de raisonner avec votre être émotionnel blessé … Rien n’y fait: il se blottit tout juste là-bas, dans un coin plus sombre de votre espace intérieur, léchant ses blessures en silence et refusant absolument de revenir, quelque cajolerie que vous puissiez essayer pour le faire sortir de là.

Donc, j’ai simplement attendu … Enfin, j’ai constaté que cela payait d’être patient avec soi-même, avec n’importe quelle partie en soi-même qui passe, pour quelque raison que ce soit, par un moment difficile: un beau matin, mon être émotionnel était de retour, souriant timidement … Prêt à nouveau à participer à ma vie de Blogueuse! … “Bienvenue, mon être émotionnel!”, lui dis-je chaleureusement en souriant; “Je suis contente que tu sois là: sans toi, ce que j’écris n’atteint pas les autres personnes comme cela les atteint normalement, et mes dernières publications ont seulement porté sur des sujets qui n’étaient pas vraiment personnels – c’est très bien , mais ce n’est pas – ou pas seulement – ce que ce Blog est vraiment destiné à être … Viens, re-travaillons ensemble à partir de maintenant!… “

Alors nous voilà de nouveau ensemble, bien sûr aussi avec mon être mental … et n’oublions pas toutes ces cellules partout dans mon être physique qui, gaiement, font ce qu’il faut pour que ce que je veux écrire apparaîsse ici sur ce blog et que tous les visiteurs puissent le lire… mais maintenant, je suis consciente que je dois être particulièrement prudente avec mon être émotif, afin d’éviter de le blesser une fois de plus …

De son côté, j’ai l’impression qu’il fait de son mieux pour apprendre à ne pas être si extrêmement sensible: il peut sentir que chez quelqu’un qui pratique le Yoga Intégral, un tel progrès devient à un certain point indispensable … Donc, il s’entraine, courageusement! … 

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(Ne laissez pas vos émotions vous distraire de ce qui doit être fait. Contrôlez vos émotions, ou ce sera vos émotions qui vous contrôleront.)

Mais d’autre part, j’espère aussi que toutes les personnes qui visitent mon Blog se rendront compte que je n’essaie pas d’imposer quoi que ce soit à personne: je ne fais que partager ce que je ressens qui peut être utile à d’autres aussi, de ma propre expérience d’évolution consciente à travers le Yoga Intégral. Évidemment, tout ce que je partage ne correspond pas forcément aux besoins intérieurs de tout le monde, car cela serait totalement impossible, chacun d’entre nous étant unique. Par conséquent, ceux qui sentent qu’un certain article n’est pas pour eux pourraient peut-être le laisser tranquille et revenir uniquement pour le prochain? … qu’ils aimeront peut-être tellement qu’ils le marqueront même, qui sait, d’un “Like”?! …  😀

Amusant, de me trouver de façon inattendue en train de rire de tout cela à la fin de ce post … Et, me croirez-vous?! Mon être émotionnel est maintenant lui aussi en train de rire avec moi à la perspective de ces “Likes” imaginés!!!

Blogging… & the Emotional Risks of It

Well, besides the main reason I talked about in my previous post (in the original English, https://labofevolution.wordpress.com/2017/08/18/three-silent-months-of-ongoing-integral-yoga/ ), actually there has been also a more negative reason why I stopped blogging for a long while. I want to mention that specific reason too, for it has in fact helped me notice in myself a still too intense vulnerability to the comments some visitors may write, that may not be entirely positive, or may even be entirely negative…!

It happens quite rarely, but over the years, since 2011 when I started this Blog, every time it has happened it has been for me a major emotional shock.

Why should it be so?…

The first and obvious reason is that by temperament I am extremely emotional to start with, that’s for sure. But even that wouldn’t be enough to account for the kind of heart pain I feel when I discover an altogether negative comment on one of my posts: it is as if a long needle was somehow suddenly piercing my heart.

While writing this, the memory comes to me of J.R.R. Tolkien’s comment, in a letter, about how he felt after having finished writing ‘The Lord of the Rings’ – which for him wasn’t simply fiction or ‘fantasy’ at all, but the actual expression of his own most secret inner world since early childhood and youth… which is why he had elected Philology and its study of worldwide ancient epics as his official, respectable way of continuing as an adult in his outer career what had been anyway his intense, irresistible inner passion since as long as he could remember.

He had, unpublished as yet, but written long before, during his direct experience of World War I, his whole cherished ‘Silmarillion’, with ‘Middle-earth’ around it as the vast, rich and inspired background to which all his later writing inevitably belonged, too.  ‘The Hobbit’, the first one to be published, had been a huge success. Already when starting that supposed simple sequel to ‘The Hobbit’ that was rapidly growing instead into ‘The Lord of the Rings’, in his letter he had warned his editor that the whole thing was, somehow by itself, dramatically expanding, and he had tried to explain the inner reasons why; then he had added:

‘Well, I have talked quite long enough about my own follies. The thing is to finish the thing as devised and then let it be judged. But forgive me! It is written in my life-blood, such as that is, thick or thin; and I can no other.’ (Letter 109)

Later on, as he was getting ready to release it as a published book for anyone to read, he again wrote, replying this time to a friend:

‘I am afraid it is only too likely to be true: what you say about the critics and the public. I am dreading the publication, for it will be impossible not to mind what is said. I have exposed my heart to be shot at.’ (Letter 142)
Do I need to say this is the way I feel too?…
What I am writing about, here on this Blog, isn’t just ‘literature’ either, or external, superficial stuff meant only to interest and perhaps impress prospective visitors; even when it is ‘merely’ quotes from some great others, they are those quotes that have been dearest to me as my own lifelines since decades, and still are.
And in many of my posts the more personal contents are even more revealing of my deeper self, with its specific qualities and gifts, yes, but also its many shortcomings – opening the door obviously to sarcasm, then, if some reader is prone to that.
There is no other way, I believe, than to accept such a vulnerability, if I want to achieve the aim I have explained that this Blog took on for me early on, and still has: see my STATEMENT OF PURPOSE (https://labofevolution.wordpress.com/about/statement-of-purpose/).
The original reason why I started this Blog at all?…
It has merely been in answer to the kind suggestion by another Lady-Blogger I was following at that time the posts of. She got interested in one specific aspect of my own ongoing research that I had been explaining to her in a few comments, and she advised me to start a Blog myself on that so fascinating topic.
I wasn’t sure at all that I could, but with her gentle help online to go over the (for me) daunting technical hurdles, to my own utter surprise I soon found myself writing a Blog indeed, on that topic at first… and then, prompted from within, happily and openly about other topics too: the most important ones  actually in my eyes…
And this is when my new friend suddenly turned into the very opposite of the friend she had been for me until then: she had no notion of the actual greatness of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, and suspicious of all Spirituality anyway, or so it seemed, she did not at all understand or share any of my respect and gratitude for them, far from it.
In spite of all my best efforts to explain on which deep and convincing reasons my devotion to them was based, in the end it became obvious that there was no way she could change her mind about them, so we parted ways at that point. But it has been a horrendous pain for me to discover this major – and for her unbridgeable – difference between us, through the sudden harshness and downright hostility she expressed towards me as soon as Sri Aurobindo and the Mother were mentioned on my Blog.
Nevertheless, I remain ever grateful to her for the so generous help extended at first, and for having been the instrument of the Divine to make me enter the wonderful world of Blogging!
This painful incident early on with that much more experienced Lady Blogger has been a precious warning of what may very well happen again at any time with anyone else among the occasional ‘visitors’ or regular ‘followers’ my Blog started to attract – on its own merits, and not due to any conscious strategy on my part.
Then for a long stretch of time my life as a (part-time) Blogger has been a rather happy one… except that I often wondered with some bewilderment why all those people reading my Blog (I could see the numbers from the Stats, and new ‘followers’ kept adding themselves too) were apparently all disliking the ‘Liking’ procedure that was on the contrary so popular on most other Blogs!… I did suspect the Divine made it happen that way so as not to encourage that tendency in me to look perhaps a little too much to the approval and appreciation of others concerning my work… but still…!!!
And a few months ago, it happened again: two people, one after the other, expressed quite a negative comment on a post of mine.
It did take me by surprise. I was devastated.
It was as if those people I had trusted somehow like friends were suddenly punching me in the face, or in the stomach. It hurt.
So much so that I noticed after a few weeks I couldn’t bring myself anymore to write again. On anything at all.
So I reasoned with myself: was I going really to stop my Blog just because of two persons who had hurt me by their comments?! That would be totally ridiculous!!!
But just try reasoning with your wounded emotional being… Nothing doing: it just cowers down there, in some darker corner of your inner space, licking its wounds silently, and refusing absolutely to come out again, whatever cajoling you might try to make it do so.
So I had simply to wait…
At long last I found it pays being patient with oneself, with any part in oneself that for whatever reason is going through a difficult time:
One fine morning my emotional being was there again, smiling shyly…. ready again to participate in my blogging life!…
“Welcome back, my emotional being!”, I said warmly to it, smiling back; “I’m glad you’re there again: without you my writing doesn’t reach out to other people the way it normally does, and so my recent posts have only been on topics that weren’t really personal – which is all right, but not  – or not only – what this Blog is truly meant to be… Come, let’s work together again from now on!…”
So here we are again, together of course also with my mental being… and let’s not forget all those cells everywhere in my physical being too, who cheerfully make it possible for what I want to write to actually appear here on this Blog for all of you to read… but now I am aware that I have to be especially careful with my emotional being, so as to avoid its being hurt once again… From its part too, by the way, I can feel it is doing its best to learn not to be so extremely sensitive: it can feel that in someone who is practicing the Integral Yoga, such a progress becomes at some point a must… So it is training itself bravely!…
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But on the other hand I do hope also that all the people who visit my Blog will realize that I am not trying to impose anything on anybody: I am only sharing whatever I feel might be useful to some others too, from my own experience with Conscious Evolution through the Integral Yoga. Obviously not everything I share will fit the inner needs of everyone else, for that would be totally impossible as each of us is unique.
So those who feel a certain post is not for them could perhaps just leave it alone and come back only for the next one?… which they might like so much that they will, who knows, even ‘Like’ it?!… ;-D
Funny, to unexpectedly find myself laughing about it all at the end of this post…
And will you believe me?! My emotional being is now laughing together with me at the prospect of those imagined ‘Likes’!!!

Trois mois de Silence…et de Yoga Intégral

(TRADUCTION EN FRANÇAIS DE L’ARTICLE PRÉCÉDENT EN ANGLAIS)
Trois mois, oui, trois mois complets entre mon article le 18 mars de cette année et le prochain que j’ai publié, le 18 juin exactement, mais sans le faire exprès.

Et me voilà, ayant laissé passer à nouveau deux mois avant de publier un autre véritable article complet, il y a deux jours.

Qu’est-ce qui m’a empêché d’écrire pour tout ce temps ??? Pourquoi est-ce que je publie si rarement ces temps-ci? …

Est-ce que rien ne s’est passé, dans ma vie, dans mon travail, dans mon évolution  personelle ou celle d’Auroville, ou celle du monde, qui valait la peine d’être partagé avec vous tous qui vous intéressez au Yoga Intégral de Sri Aurobindo et de la Mère ou, plus généralement, à l’Évolution Consciente ?…

Au contraire, chers amis: trop se passait.

Et une grande partie de tout cela ne pouvait pas être mentionné … Ou pas encore.

L’évolution consciente n’est pas une plaisanterie, ni une question de trucs passionnants au «partage» automatique sur autant de médias sociaux que possible. Ce n’est pas une question de popularité et de ‘Likes’. C’est une question de progrès intérieurs très humbles – et ensuite, souvent aussi, de rechutes dans les vieilles habitudes – jour après jour, minute après minute, à tous les niveaux de votre être, à tour de rôle ou simultanément, y compris, dans de plus en plus de personnes, le niveau cellulaire dès que celui-là décide également de participer.

Et même des progrès importants ne sont pas du tout à claironner, la divulgation prématurée du nouvel événement interne expérimenté peut très bien l’empêcher totalement de continuer, ou minimiser ses effets. Car en en parlant, vous dissipez effectivement l’énergie que ce nouvel événement intérieur contenait en lui-même pour son développement ultérieur en vous; si cette énergie est gaspillée dans une expression trop hâtive, les résultats supplémentaires sont réduits ou ne se développent jamais du tout. Il reste alors un événement unique que vous devrez peut-être attendre longemps pour qu’il se répète … et, espérons-le, se développe cette fois, si vous vous tenez coi! Pour combien de temps? … Eh bien, pour autant de temps qu’il lui sera nécessaire pour vraiment s’installer en vous et s’établir dans votre vie pour de bon.

Ce qui ne veut pas dire que ces nouveaux progrès ne peuvent être à nouveau remplacés par une récurrence d’un trait de personnalité antérieur que vous croyiez avoir été surmonté… mais au moins la récurrence de l’ancien mode ne sera qu’un problème temporaire, et non plus régulier, et ce sera déjà un soulagement considérable, ainsi qu’un encouragement très puissant pour l’avenir, pour les autres victoires similaires auxquelles on peut encore s’efforcer par la suite, avec l’aide de la Grâce divine.

Dans ce Yoga Intégral où le but n’est pas seulement, comme dans les formes traditionnelles du Yoga, la réalisation centrale de son Soi vrai et divin, mais aussi une transformation progressive de l’être complet, aussi dans ses parties extérieures, y compris le corps physique, la Réalisation centrale peut être là depuis longtemps avant qu’une amélioration réelle de la nature extérieure puisse également être observée, et l’on peut ne pas sembler être une personne spécialement spirituelle pour l’œil des autres pendant longtemps, bien que beaucoup à l’intérieur se soit déjà produit, des expériences internes nécessaires à la spiritualisation complète de l’être.

Il faut donc énormément de patience, de persévérance et de foi en le futur résultat dans ce long processus de transformation qui caractérise la nouvelle approche, évolutive, pour laquelle le Yoga Intégral a été créé.

C’est exactement ce que la citation de Sri Aurobindo sélectionnée à l’Ashram comme le Message pour le Jour de Darshan du 15 août, Anniversaire de Sri Aurobindo, a souligné  avec grande force:

“Dans le Yoga comme dans la vie, c’est l’homme qui persiste inlassable jusqu’au bout
Face à toute défaite et désillusion et tous événements et pouvoirs opposés, hostiles et contraires,
C’est lui qui conquiert à la fin et trouve sa foi justifiée
Parce que pour l’âme et la Shakti dans l’homme, rien n’est impossible.”

– Sri Aurobindo

Et tout du long, le Divin Compagnon se révèle être, encore et encore, dans une circonstance après l’autre, le seul ami totalement fiable, dont l’Amour inconditionnel et la Compréhension infinie ne nous laisseront jamais tomber, quelle que soit la faute que l’on puisse faire.

Mais, bien qu’une telle affirmation puisse sembler présenter ce Chemin comme très solitaire, en réalité, c’est tout à fait le contraire que l’on trouve par expérience être vrai: ce Chemin, suivi en la Compagnie Divine de plus en plus constante, devient de plus en plus doux, de l’ineffable, enivrante Douceur de cette Présence Divine, en même temps de plus en plus intime et pourtant de plus en plus pleinement aussi en toutes les parties extérieures de son être… tout en remplissant également tout ce qui est «extérieur» à soi-même, comme un océan infini de Délice Aimant, par lequel l’être entier est de plus en plus imprégné et progressivement transformé… Même si l’on avait du mal à aimer les «autres» auparavant, eux aussi commencent à être sentis comme d’autres formes du même Être Divin et aimés comme tels…

Quelle pure bénédiction  que d’avoir découvert en 1971 ce merveilleux Chemin de l’évolution consciente à travers ce Yoga Intégral… Ma gratitude infinie et intense va à Sri Aurobindo et à la Mère, qui ont rendu cela possible, et aident à chaque pas de ce Chemin, faisant de lui véritablement ce qu’ils appelaient “La Voie Ensoleillée”…

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