I, Bhaga, want to share with you all the article I received yesterday as the Newsletter from this wonderful NDEr called Anita Moorjani – and there is even more than the article, as you will see in the end:
For Research on Conscious Evolution
31 Aug 2016 1 Comment
I, Bhaga, want to share with you all the article I received yesterday as the Newsletter from this wonderful NDEr called Anita Moorjani – and there is even more than the article, as you will see in the end:
26 Aug 2016 Leave a comment
Let’s not try to hide it. As Sri Aurobindo himself made it quite clear from the start of his text quoted in my previous post, Life on the Earth Plane isn’t an easy task, and to the Truth-Seeker it can turn out to be quite a Battle. Even the best of us may sometimes – or often – get doubtful, discouraged, exhausted. Even Dannion Brinkley in his first book, ‘Saved by the LIght’, towards the end, when he is told he is going to need again one more operation for again surviving one more time , even Dannion, this towering tough fellow who has already gone victoriously through so much, finally finds it too much, and wants to call it quits. To Dr Raymond Moody, urgently called to the hospital, at that time still a friend he thought he could count on for ever, Dannion replies the truest, most touching simple words I know of to describe what life here actually feels like:
“It’s just like when you are forced to go to summer camp. You hate everybody and you miss your Momma…”
I had to laugh, although simultaneously I teared up briefly at the inner recognition of what he described. What a riot, this Dannion, as one of my friends says of him! He still found a funny way to express those kid-like feelings hidden in the secret depths of the outwardly bravest of us. Granted, Dannion is actually a Crab, a Cancerian by birth, with all the inner tenderness that this Solar Sign means under its outer hard shell, and the special need – even in the adult – to keep close to his or her Momma, the living symbol of Home and Family. Raymond, a few years older but born under the very same Birth Sign, must have understood perfectly what his friend meant, and so do I, having myself my Moon in Cancer as well… While reading this, all my visitors with a strong Cancerian influence in their own Chart know exactly what I am talking about too…
Alas, the boisterous and hilarious aspect also present in Dannion, caused by the super Jupiter ruling everything else from on high in his birth Chart, giving him also those loud characteristics of a Sagittarius, couldn’t go well for long with the rest of the nature in Raymond: the latter not only lacked this Jupiter/Sagittarius fun and vastness, but had instead the Scorpio’s unforgiving intransigence and tendency to see dark motivations in other people’s actions.
This must be what caused Raymond to later on repudiate their friendship and accuse Dannion of having invented or exaggerated portions of his NDE, which then in his eyes was no longer valid. Raymond went so far as publicly dismissing Dannion as a mere “entertainer”, I recently discovered with astonishment. But he was using the same derogative appellation, in the same breath, also about another NDEr I have a lot of respect for, Betty Eady of ‘Embraced by the Light’ fame, even ridiculing her for wearing a Native Indian dress… when she is of quite authentic Sioux parentage, and only claiming it finally, thanks to her NDE, but obviously Moody had no idea of that!!! This particularly stupid remark of his reveals only the appalling hollowness of his own comments on those two persons he has not really taken the trouble to know in any depth.
At least for Dannion, such a blow below the belt must have been quite hard to take, coming from a supposed close friend of many years who had even prefaced his book in 1995, written twenty years after his first NDE; in that preface Raymond had validated already Dannion’s new ESP gift of mind-reading, and also some of the predictions for the Earth’s future, given to him during his NDE as warnings to humanity at large that it had urgently to change its ways if it wanted to avoid such a future. And still Dannion, in the video interviews when he is challenged to answer Raymond’s accusations, keeps his cool and inner peace, and does re-establish the facts that show his innocence and truthfulness, but without covering Raymond’s in mud nevertheless. As Dannion himself says, the way he has become able to take peacefully all this in his stride, when before his NDE he was one to always give a blow back with a vengeance, is the very proof of his NDE: it is what changed him so completely.
To my eye as an astrologer (not of any Fate Astrology but of our very diverse human personalities), the Jupiter all alone at the top of Dannion’s Chart looks exactly like the Roman god of that name or his Greek origin, Zeus, the one sending thunder and lightning from the top of Mt Olympus… and in the case of poor Dannion, this Jupiter did strike him with lightning, quite literally, and on two different occasions!…: Only, it was as the saving action from the Divine Grace represented by this Pisces Sign in which Jupiter is in Dannion’s Chart!!! And it is that Divine Compassion from this Pisces Sign that the lightning has activated in him to such an extent that nowadays it is only benevolence and compassion he can feel when in a position of power where he could on the contrary strike those who attack him…
Why am I bringing Astrology into this post directly inspired by Dannion’s candid admission of his Inner Child’s utter distress while going through terrestrial Life?
Because part of the problem here is that each of us gets usually so much trouble from our fellow human beings, especially when they have strong judgemental tendencies given by the Scorpio Sign, the 2nd Water Sign, locked in its own deep and negative emotions, that no sense of the Divine Grace come yet to alleviate and dissolve.
Both Raymond and Dannion have their Sun in the 1st Water Sign, Cancer the Crab, with emotions still very child-like and open to the tenderness of sweetness of Life, at least on the scale of family life.
But where Raymond stops later at the 2nd Water Sign, Scorpio, whose negative feelings are useful only in that they may push a human being to ask questions about the meaning and purpose of Life, Dannion somehow skips that phase and is pulled up by this magnificent and cheerful Jupiter, all the way up straight to the 3rd and last Water Sign, where the hard and painful questions of the Scorpio are answered and healed: the Pisces Sign which is also the last in the whole Zodiac, giving us full access again to the Ocean of Divine Love where we truly belong when we are not at work to change things in this dimension. This is Unconditional Love ever ready to forgive our errors and heal us with its Saving Grace. It is the vastest of all the Twelve Signs, and the only one which can understand all the others because of its capacity of total Empathy. The Divine Love accessed through this Sign is actually that of our Divine Mother, for God is also that, yes, the Divine Momma we actually miss the most: it is the Higher Octave of the tenderness and motherly love that our physical mother probably tried her best to give us, in spite of her own hurts and other human limitations which may have made her fail utterly.
But short of that potentially so beneficial influence of the Pisces Sign (although, like all the Signs, it also can be detrimental: if one doesn’t manage to find the Divine inwardly, and then replaces That by alcohol or drugs just to escape from this too hard terrestrial life, experienced as a prison), Astrology can at least help people to understand each other better, instead of each one judging the others through the filter of one’s own personality, spontaneously perceived as the only true way of being…!
It seems to me such a pity that someone as valuable as Raymond Moody has turned his back on Dannion Brinkley and Betty Eady, simply because of misinterpretations of their own different personalities. Also, both Dannion and Betty, like a number of other NDERs, have received during their NDE the specific mission to make it known and spread the information it contains, important for all humankind at this point in its Evolution, so it is only normal that they.do their best to fulfill that mission, each one in their own way, which always, to someone else, may seem inappropriate…
I really wish researchers like Raymond Moody who are by inclination and formation more on the intellectual side of things, and have NOT themselves had an NDE, would try not to limit and judge the stories told by the Experiencers according to their own mental criteria and categories, which do not actually exist in the true Reality. In that Realm just like here, Unity is realized through Diversity, and not uniformity as our mind would make us believe.
The situation in this field of research is only symptomatic of the situation everywhere in all human endeavors.
Instead of criticizing and dividing, let’s all help each other in our growth towards our recovered Divine Nature we all miss not only our Momma, but also some true friends!
If this post can bring about among us all any progress towards this future collective Victory of Love, with its Joy of Reunion, this blog of mine will not have existed in vain.
Now I am very curious to read the third book by Dannion, after his third NDE. titled ‘Secrets of the Light’ and written this time with his wife Kathryn. I am getting very good reviews of it from a friend who was quite simply transformed by it, and the following interview (done at the time of the publication of their latest book, ‘Ten Things to Know Before You Go’) is indeed wonderfully intriguing:
Thank you so much for all this, dear NostraDannion!…
29 Jul 2016 2 Comments
Among many others, Edgar Cayce and Dannion Brinkley, for example, are people who have made or received predictions, some of them rather scary, about the near future of the Earth. Now they are criticized and called unreliable prophets just because some of the really dire events never came to pass. Are they truly to be blamed for that, or on the contrary, profusely thanked?…
I’ll start with a few Nostradamus-like (!) verses of my own to summarize the very important point I am trying to make through this post, for this point really needs to be more widely understood:
After all, what are Predictions?
They are merely Impressions
– Among all Probabilities
That could become Realities –
Of the one to be our Future
IF the course of our Adventure,
Otherwise due infallibly,
Is not changed rather rapidly
By our own choice. They are warnings
For us to make new beginnings
In quite another direction
So that, by this simple action,
We void the future predicted
For the better one selected!
What to make then of those many negative predictions that might scare the hell out of us, individually or collectively, but which nevertheless most of us seem to dutifully expect?
Well, such predictions not only are not infallible, but they are actually meant not to come true!… :
As the Future, contrary to what most of us believe, is not carved in stone, in reality such dire predictions are mere warnings of what our Future will be if we don’t change the course of our life, by modifying for example our inner attitude towards it, or the beliefs we presently hold, or the plans we have made, or the decisions we intend to make.
The predictions I am speaking of aren’t those calculated statistically through computers, but those made by someone’s consciousness going up high enough to see, of the Vast Eternal Present visible from up there, more than just one moment at a time like we do usually from down here. From that higher perspective, seeing the trajectory you are on since some time, one can see easily, beyond the present moment, where you will land later on, if nothing happens that changes your trajectory or modifies your speed.
If for example you yourself are in a plane flying above a road crossing, you will be able to see in advance that two cars, coming from different directions but not visible to each other, will collide soon at that crossroad if neither of the drivers slows down or changes his/her current direction.
Alarmed, for the sake of their safety you may quickly contact the drivers if you can, and tell them of the impending danger
If then at least one of them takes heed of the warning and makes in time the needed change, that car will slow down or stop, or take a different route, and the two cars will actually never meet: the accident will be avoided, and so the prediction will not come true. But then be ready for the drivers to tell you later on that your warning was pure nonsense and imagination, as they never saw any other car at that crossing, and now think you invented the whole thing just for a bad joke!…
This is, again, what has happened to many who predicted events, like the world-famous American trance-seer from last century, Edgar Cayce, or simply reported events that others predicted to them would happen, like well-known NDEr Dannion Brinkley.
Edgar Cayce did explain, and so did the thirteen Beings of Light who showed visions to Dannion, that the Future depends also on our own choices in the meantime, and dire predictions can very much be changed – actually, are meant to be voided:
“Through telepathy, I could hear a Being say, “If you follow what you have been taught & keep living the same way you have lived the last 30 years, all of this will surely be upon you. If you change, you can avoid the coming war.” Scenes from a horrible world war accompanied this message. As the visions appeared on the screen, the Being told me that the years 1994 through 1996 were critical ones in determining whether this war would break out. “If you follow this dogma, the world by the year 2004 will not be the same one you now know,” said the Being. “But it (this future) can still be changed & you can help change it.”
What, in the vast realm of Probabilities, is highly probable today, still isn’t bound at all to really happen in the Future, which just changes all the time according to the decisions taken by all at each moment. As Yoda would say in his own so particular way of speaking:
Still, caught in everyone else’s usual expectation that a prediction must come true otherwise the author of the prediction is discredited, both the followers of Edgar Cayce and Dannion Brinkley himself have been separately keeping a record of the predictions that have already come true, from the overall list they made; and they seem to be almost eager that the predictions not yet realized, even if they are terrible disasters, do come true some day, so that it adds to the credibility of the whole list they have been given!…
Surprising as it seems, I haven’t seen or heard yet any instance when the Edgar Cayce Foundation people, or Dannion, simply explained clearly to others that, luckily for all of us, the Future isn’t cast in stone. In the case of the previously foreseen disasters, not only we should all be rather happy that such events didn’t come to pass yet, but we should also hope/pray that they never come to pass at all… which would simply indicate the excellent news that, by our intervening better choices and decisions, we have voided those dire predictions and they aren’t hanging over our heads like ‘swords of Damocles’ any longer!
Even the 2012 so-called ‘End of the World’ predictions, although that date is now long past, are still troubling a lot of people, who in their fixation on such a dire prospect, simply postpone and postpone again endlessly the date of the supposed End of the World, keeping themselves in the constant anxiety of that so dreaded supposed Future.
But why don’t they see at last that its not coming to pass on the predicted date(s) might well mean that instead, this dreaded Future has been in the meantime averted because we human beings – or at least, as Dannion does say, a sufficient proportion of us – have managed to take a new, better direction, and so Humanity as a whole is now on that new road as well… Perhaps this fantastic change was all the result that the predictions themselves were meant to have!…
Gregg Braden in one of his great books, ‘The Isaie Effect’, explains exactly the same thing, taking his title from the ancient Biblical prophet Isaie, to whom it all happened already long ago: after Isaie finally obeyed the Lord and reluctantly did warn the people in Niniveh that the Lord was going to punish them for their terrible sins, the Niniveh people repented, and changed their ways, and so were saved: the Lord withdrew his punishment. But then, when nothing actually happened, the people turned against Isaie and ridiculed him for being a false prophet!!! Poor Isaie and other messengers of the Future, caught in this ‘Catch 22’ kind of situation!…
Gregg Braden underlines also the absolutely fascinating fact that, in this ‘Bible Code’ discovered only some years ago, which has revealed incredibly precise predictions hidden in the Bible, often for the main disastrous events foretold one can read also, along with them, the question “Will you change that?…”, as if we were actually invited to void those very predictions by our wiser actions…
How much solicitude in such an invitation, how much hope on the part of those who try to warn us… How much hope that we will indeed change, mend our ways, and so reach a completely different, happier Future! What is happening on Earth is being watched in its gradual unfolding with so much hopeful expectation from all those other beings, in this dimension and many others, who are lovingly playing their roles as Helpers at our every step…
Even many NDEs turn out to have been very precious warnings for the individuals to whom they happened, who often, like in the case of Dannion Brinkley himself, truly needed urgently to take stock of their life till then, and thanks to their NDE decided to make the real inner changes necessary, and put their life on an altogether better course.
So whatever mistakes we may have already done in our past, it is possible for all of us, at any moment of our existence here, to wake up and start changing our ways. Each of us has free will, and inner guidance from the Divine Presence within each of us.
Indeed, we are dearly loved…
24 Jun 2016 Leave a comment
in HUMAN UNITY, IMMORTALITY, JANE ROBERTS & SETH, LIFETIMES & BETWEEN, NDEs & OBEs, PRACTICE OF CONSCIOUS EVOLUTION / INTEGRAL YOGA, SCIENCE, SRI AUROBINDO & THE MOTHER, THE NEW EVOLUTIVE STEP, THE WAY OF FUN
If you have watched the amazing video of Dannion Brinkley which is the centerpiece of my previous post, you have heard him reveal a particularly important thing for us all to know – or remember: that in the truth of our being, we all are “great, mighty spiritual beings having dignity, direction and purpose”, deliberately come into the challenge of this world of oblivion and limitation, to see if even in the midst of such conditions we can still make each of our every moment decisions out of Compassion and Caring instead of our temporary ego’s wish to dominate and impress. This is what has been told to Dannion repeatedly, in various ways, by the beings of Light he encountered during his NDEs, and they added it took a lot of courage to come in this world and go through such difficult adventures here.
All this was astonishing news for Dannion… and possibly also for those of you reading this, who are new to my blog and have not seen the older posts I already dedicated to spreading exactly these kind of momentous news about us human beings, which I had myself been so astonished about when reading them first long ago from Sri Aurobindo.
I had hardly familiarized my mind with such an unusual viewpoint, and accepted it for all my own numerous lifetimes on earth, when I found yet another piece by Sri Aurobindo, that one not only echoing this view but actually going even further: in ‘Essays Divine and Human’, the essay titled ‘Beginning and End’ sees Sri Aurobindo drawing once again, as so often, such a huge vista of the really Big Picture as to be just staggering for our present feeble mentality and cowardly heart. Here is but a short passage of that essay, that so many years after reading it for the first time, only now I am able to dare read again in spite of what had been for me the horrendous new revelation it contained:
‘The experiment of human life on an earth is not now for the first time enacted. It has been conducted a million times before and the long drama will again a million times be repeated. In all that we do now, our dreams, our discoveries, our swift or difficult attainments we profit subconsciously by the experience of innumerable precursors and our labour will be fecund in planets unknown to us and in worlds yet uncreated. The plan, the peripeties, the denouement differ continually, yet are always governed by the conventions of an eternal Art. God, Man, Nature are the three perpetual symbols.
The idea of eternal recurrence affects with a shudder of alarm the mind entrenched in the minute, the hour, the years, the centuries, all the finite’s unreal defences. But the strong soul conscious of its own immortal stuff and the inexhaustible ocean of its ever-flowing energies is seized by it with the thrill of an inconceivable rapture. It hears behind the thought the childlike laughter and ecstasy of the Infinite.’
Well, friends, as you can see it would seem we aren’t necessarily into this for just a few aeons of lifetimes here on this Earth: some of us still don’t find it to be enough!…
Also in some recently channeled books (from Lee Carroll’s Kryon, for example) – and I seem to remember Jane Robert’s Seth was saying somehow the same thing – one can read indeed that most of us here are spirits cheerful and adventurous enough to have found all these crazy challenges interesting and even amusing, to the point of our having been actually at it since further eons elsewhere, and of our rejoicing gleefully already at the perspective of yet another round and endless other rounds of similarly huge challenges still elsewhere in other corners of the Universe!!! We spirits bold and courageous enough to incarnate again and again on difficult worlds like this Earth, are like the Elite Battalion among spirits, and looked at with awe by others!…
That should give us a measure – if that is at all possible – of what our divine Nature is about: secretly but solidly based on our core Being consisting in eternal and indestructible Satchidananda (another post about that soon), we can truly try out again and again, if we wish, the boldest of adventures, as no real death or damage can effectively destroy us, but only affect us temporarily…! It is just sheer FUN!…
To some of us at least…
I for one don’t seem to be quite like that. I am only starting to glimpse timidly and from the corner of my eye at this truly gigantic perspective on things which Sri Aurobindo brings in with this stunning passage, and which only decades of conscious inner development have finally enabled me to read again calmly, and even pause to consider, without my poor mind going nuts. But I must admit I for one seem to be a particularly unadventurous spirit: some sort of ‘Hobbity’ kind of spirit, as Tolkien would put it… Or is it perhaps only my outer personality in this lifetime which is that way, as one more challenge for my spirit to deal with?… I can’t even stand roller coasters, or merely imagine myself riding one, so you see what I mean!!!
I hope many of my visitors here are spontaneously bolder spirits and will appreciate to its full magnificence the prospect of willingly and joyfully taking on yet any number of other earths after this one is won to the foreseen and promised Life Divine!…
As for myself, I am likely to rather luxuriate first of all for a very long time here on this Earth, enjoying the said Life Divine, precisely once we have at last won that Victory already for this Earth; and then I may chose to just tiptoe out of it all, my laurels well won… But after such a nice and long and enjoyable rest in Divine Living here, who knows after all?. I may find myself crazy enough a spirit to be tempted yet again – along with some eternal dear buddies of mine like some of you, my readers, might well be – by some new challenge to take on, on some other Earth somewhere, far, far away in some other solar system…
22 Jun 2016 Leave a comment
Dannion Brinkley is a supersized human being, inwardly as well as outwardly.
I read with amazement Dannion’s first book, ‘Saved by the Light’, at the time when it came out and instantly was added to our ever growing collection of NDE books in our Research Library at the Laboratory of Evolution, Auroville.
In spite of the extreme severity of the physical ordeals he had to endure, before and after his several NDEs, Dannion’s terrific sense of humor shined through the whole book even during the description of the most difficult physical moments. And the rather radical inner transformation that resulted from it all, manifesting through a complete change of behavior in life, is the very best proof that his remarkable story is totally genuine, and all the more precious.
I had watched already a few years ago this wonderful interview with Lisa Harrison, but for some forgotten reason failed to put it up immediately on this blog of mine at the time.
Well, having luckily found it again and watched it all over again with bated breath – or great laughter – just yesterday, this time I am not going to make the same mistake as before: I’m posting it right away, simply so happy that such a gem of an interview is still around on YouTube. Now I finally present it here as well, and I really hope many others too will enjoy it and grow inwardly by it just as I did:
28 Apr 2016 4 Comments
I have recently studied with a lot of interest Dr. Eben Alexander’s first book, ‘Proof of Heaven’, about his extraordinary 2006 NDE during the seven days he remained in coma, his neo-cortex completely destroyed by a sudden attack of a very rare and usually fatal bacterial meningitis; his survival had been quite an unexpected miracle, surpassed only by the full and fast recovery that followed, and the complete change in his understanding of life as well of death.
Just as for the equally important book by Anita Moorjani, ‘Dying to be me’, it had been on a Tuesday afternoon that I had found this great book, while on duty at our excellent specialized Research Library, in the present main space of the ‘Laboratory of Evolution’, the Research and Documentation Center in Auroville that I founded in 1984 and am still heading, but now busy mostly with the research aspect of the work. .
Well, two days ago, it was again Tuesday afternoon, and so the day of my weekly duty participating in the Library work. At the end of it, just upon leaving, I was thrilled to stumble upon a second book by Eben Alexander, titled this time ‘The Map of Heaven’, and I took it of course at once. Back home, I eagerly went through it within the next few.hours before sleeping.
The next morning, which was yesterday, I read it all over again, to ascertain some of the important facts mentioned that had particularly struck me already the first time.
One of those facts was a specific quote by a Natalie Sudman, the NDE of whom Eben was saying had been especially extraordinary and deep. Armed with the intriguing title of Natalie’s own book, ‘Application of Impossible Things’ (!), I went to my office downstairs,.googled it along with the name of the author, and spent the whole afternoon watching YouTube videos of her being interviewed by various show hosts. Then I had to stop for it was getting late, but today I resumed watching, and ended up applauding full heartedly with the audience for a talk I had just watched her giving, after a short introduction by the elderly lady host:
As I am myself an ‘experiencer too, and on top of it a researcher on this NDE topic since decades, besides practicing a spiritual path of conscious evolution, the ‘Integral Yoga’, since even longer, I would say I know quite a lot, so I didn’t really learn anything I hadn’t at least read about before.
But what won my total enthusiasm was that this young lady proved to be a living example of experiences I have read about only in the explanations or descriptions given by Sri Aurobindo and his feminine counterpart, the Mother; and later on, from the mid-sixties to the mid-eighties, by the discarnate entity calling himself Seth, in the brilliant books he dictated through an entranced young lady, at first rather bewildered: Jane Roberts.
The third source I know some specific facts described by Natalie were reported also by, is Robert Monroe, founder of The Monroe Institute (TMI), and I noticed some specific expressions that he used in his OBE books were used as well by Natalie during her talks.
All those sources I have just listed out are by far the deepest and most encompassing teachings I know of, so this gives an idea of the truly incredible level of understanding that Natalie demonstrates, of all those “impossible things” she speaks about, for not only she experienced them during her NDE and remembered them after it, but she is able to articulate her descriptions and explanations of them in terms simple enough to be grasped, to some extent at least, by her audiences, starting with her hosts. Her own remarkable simplicity and tremendous sense of fun, whether in or out of her body, are also irresistibly contagious, which is wonderful, for it helps to immediately diffuse and lighten up the apparent gravity of some of her statements, sometimes so stunning as to be altogether shocking if it were not for the total matter-of-fact way she presents it all and then explains it too…
Well, a big thank you to Dr. Eben Alexander, not only for this new book of his, very interesting and moving in its own right (it even evokes a new step in our terrestrial evolution), but also for introducing me to this quite remarkable indeed other NDExperiencer! I hope you, my visitors, have enjoyed, or will enjoy the video above as much as I did… to the point perhaps of writing down below your own comments about it (the button for doing that is actually above, at the beginning of each post, in the left margin…!).
And now I am going back to my room upstairs, for some dinner and later some sleep as well, but with a deep feeling of happiness, for having been treated the whole day with such a nicely filling diet of the “impossible things” I too relish living and hearing about…
02 Dec 2015 1 Comment
Traduction de l’article originel en anglais: “MUOB”, or my NDE in Auroville, April 1975
A peine quelques annees apres mon arrivee a Auroville, je devins impatiente de la lenteur de notre progres collectif. Parmi les communautes auroviliennes existantes, je ne pouvais en trouver aucune ou l’intensite, le feu interieur pour l’evolution consciente et le Yoga Integral me semblaient etre encore vraiment vivants.
Seule une nouvelle communaute, demarree recemment sur les hauteurs entre deux canyons par un austere et rayonnant jeune homme venu de l’Ashram, avait encore de l’attrait pour moi, car en lui et dans ce nouvel endroit la flamme interieure me semblait etre encore bien allumee.
Il m’autorisa a me joindre aux quelques personnes elues qui vivaient deja autour de lui.
J’etais tres heureuse, et pendant environ six mois tout alla bien.
Mais a un certain point il me prit a l’ecart et me dit en prive, de maniere completement inattendue, que certaines tendances en moi n’etaient pas bonnes pour l’endroit et il allait falloir que je m’en aille .
Frappee de surprise et d’horreur, je le suppliai de me donner au moins quelque temps, ne serait-ce qu’un mois; dans l’espace de ce mois j’etais sure de pouvoir deraciner en moi quoi que ce soit de problematique qu’il ait a l’esprit comme rendant ma presence indesirable.
Il accepta de me donner ce mois de plus, apres lequel nous nous rencontrerions a nouveau, dans sa hutte, pour qu’il m’informe de sa decision finale.
Vous pouvez imaginer comment j’ai passe cet unique mois que j’avais pour me changer de maniere suffisamment convaincante pour gagner son approbation et etre autorisee a rester, ce qui etait expremement important pour moi: jour et nuit je faisais l’offrande fervente de mon etre et de quelque defaut que je puisse avoir au Divin , le Divin tel que j’etais deja entree en contact avec Lui/Elle dans cette gigantesque experience du 18 Novembre 1973: la Mere Divine. (Voir l’article precedent: https://labofevolution.wordpress.com/2015/11/29/a-nouveau-le-17-novembre-est-passe/)
Mais dans cet enorme Darshan d’Elle-meme que j’avais recu ce jour-la, le contact interieur avec Elle, l’intimite de sa Presence guidante avaient manque. En l’absence de cette direction interieure en direct d’Elle en moi-meme, j’avais fait une sorte de pacte secret avec Elle: je considererais ce jeune homme comme Sa voix pour moi, et quoi que ce soit qu’il me dirait je considererais que c’etait Elle-meme qui me le disait – certainement pas une solution ideale, mais a l’epoque je n’en voyais pas d’autre, alors c’etait la meilleure facon que je pouvais inventer pour recevoir, au moins indirectement, la Direction de Mere.
Lorsque le mois finalement toucha a sa fin, chcune de ses minutes ayant ete passees en ardente priere que je puisse rester, j’allai a la hutte de ce jeune homme et m’assis en face de lui en silence, attendant son verdict. Tous les deux nous etions dans cette position en lotus (en tailleur…) qui est si pratique dans ces huttes pour s’asseoir sur un fin coussin directement sur le plancher, dans ce cas-la le plancher superieur de la hutte, a l’etage. Mon coeur battait violemment dans ma poitrine pendant qu j’attendais qu’il parle.
Apres une courte concentration muette, il me regarda droit dans les yeux et me dit, avec grande gentillesse mais aussi la fermete d’une decision finale:
“Je suis desole, il faut vraiment que vous partiez.”
Aucune reponse ne sortit de moi, car ses mots m’avaient frappee comme un couteau se fichant dans mon coeur. La douleur saisit mon coeur dans son feroce etau, douleur si aigue que je ne pouvais meme pas crier.
Je m’evanouis – tout devint soudain noir -, mes yeux se fermant par eux-memes pendant que mon corps assis devenait rigide dans un spasme comme s’il etait gele.
Dans le noir interieur m’environnant maintenant de partout, la douleur etait la seule chose me rappelant que j’avais encore un corps; mais interieurement je pouvais sentir l’energie de vie refluer de tous mes membres, de mon organisme tout entier, refluant de plus en plus vite, vers mon coeur, le flot de l’energie de vie etant attire la irresistiblement, exactement comme vers un trou noir qui l’aspirait completement en dedans de lui: un trou noir de douleur atroce.
Ma seule pensee, emergeant de l’intense sentiment de desespoir qui me submergeait, etait ceci:
” Alors la Mere Divine m’a rejetee. Elle m’a dit “Non”. Ce lieu etait le dernier, le seul ou je sentais que je recevrais de l’aide pour progresser et m’ameliorer. Maintenant je n’ai plus nulle part d’autre ou aller. Je suis perdue. Ma vie n’a plus aucun sens. Je peux aussi bien mourir.”
Et dans l’etrange vacuite mentale de ce moment, un souvenir encore plus etrange soudain me traversa l’esprit…
De longues annees auparavant, encore enfant, j’avais lu une devinette, une blague amusante dans “Selection du Reader’s Digest”:
”Le son que fait une explosion est BOUM. Quel est le son que fait une implosion?”
La reponse etait: “MUOB”.
J’avais aime ce son amusant, il m’avait fait rire, car il exprimait si bien ce qu’une implosion est en effet…
Et maintenant, dans ce moment que je ressentais tout a fait comme celui de ma mort imminente par implosion, voila que c’etait la seule pensee qui brievement me revenait a l’esprit, apres avoir ete totalement oubliee pendant des decennies:
“Eh bien voila, maintenant je suis en train de faire MUOB…”
Mon desespoir etait si total que ca m’etait egal d’etre en train de mourir. Je regardais simplement tout cela se passer, avec une indifference muette oppressante de douleur.
Ce qui subsistait de mon etre, je l’eprouvais de plus en plus comme une intensite de douleur et de desespoir comprimee a l’infini. Je devenais de plus en plus une sorte de pierre, une pierre noire, de plus en plus dure, de plus en plus minuscule, la douleur devenant de plus en plus intolerable a mesure que j’approchais du point ou je serais entierement avalee par le trou noir et disparaitrais dans le neant.
Au bord meme de l’annihilation, quelque chose en moi surgit soudain, aussi tenu que cela ait ete, quelque chose qui ne pouvait accepter. Accepter un tel sort, accepter que la Mere Divine m’avait rejetee, c’etait trop injuste, trop cruel:
“Mais Elle est ma Mere Eternelle! Elle sait tout de moi. Elle sait ma sincerite, Elle sait combien, de toutes mes forces, j’ai essaye!… Comment pourrait-Elle me rejeter? Ce n’est pas possible, Elle ne peut pas m’abandonner !”
Et dans un ultime elan d’amour pour Elle, et de confiance en son Amour, un appel au secours angoisse, un hurlement interieur jaillit vers Elle a travers le Noir Neant de Mort en train de m’engouffrer:
Instantanement je me retrouvai dans un immense, et pourtant intime royaume de merveilleuse Lumiere doree constituant tout, le paysage si beau, les etres memes qui etaient la – mais parmi eux moi, sous la forme d’une mignonne petite fille d’environ six ans, dans une jolie petite robe courte a volants, je n’avais d’yeux que pour Elle, ma Divine Maman, qui etait assise la a quelque distance, sur une sorte de trone fait de la meme merveilleuse Lumiere, et son Etre lui aussi rayonnait doucement de cette Lumiere, tandis qu’Elle ouvrait les bras vers moi, souriant d’un sourire si doux que je m’elancai en courant vers Elle, les bras avidement tendus, et je me jetai sur ses genoux en confiance totale et joyeux abandon. J’etais chez moi enfin, avec Elle.
Du moment eternel qui suivit, je me rappelle seulement l’Unite beatifique entre nous, et comment Elle me reconforta, riant doucement, me disant que bien sur Elle ne m’avait jamais rejetee du tout, et ne le ferait jamais, c’etait une impossibilite, mais a ce stade-la de mon existence humaine toute cette douleur avait ete necessaire pour que ma conscience atteigne finalement l’intensite de besoin voulue pour me faire passer dans cette autre Dimension et venir dans ce Royaume de Douceur d’Amour lumineuse, qui penetrait tout, ce Royaume en lequel nos ames ont leur Origine, et qui est notre chez nous veritable entre nos temps de vie sur Terre ou ailleurs, lorsque nous faisons l’experience d’etre un Humain dans un corps physique humain.
Je me laissai fondre en Elle, en son Amour, j’etais sienne pour une heureuse eternite dans laquelle aucun sens de temps qui passe n’existait du tout.
Et soudain ma conscience se retrouva de nouveau dans cette hutte, a l’interieur de mon corps toujours assis la, rigidement immobile en face du jeune homme egalement toujours assis la. J’etais dans un etat de parfait bonheur et tranquillite.
Il me regardait avec stupeur et une sorte d’effroi, completement abasourdi, apres avoir probablement vu les extremes changements qui avaient du se produire sur mon visage, exprimant les extremes changements d’etat interieur dont j’avais eu l’experience. Je ressentis de la compassion pour lui, qui avait ete le temoin de tout cela sans savoir ce qui se passait en moi. Je ressentis de la gratitude aussi, pour le role qu’il avait joue sans s’en douter dans ce merveilleux changement de dimension dont j’avais eu l’experience: en me poussant jusqu’aux extremes limites du desespoir et de la mort, il avait ete l’instrument utilise par la Mere Divine pour obtenir ce resultat. Je lui souris avec douceur et dis:
“Donc, il faut que je m’en aille?… Bon. Pas de probleme. Je peux aller n’inporte ou, cela n’a pas d’importance. Y a-t-il un autre endroit d’Auroville que vous suggereriez?”
En effet, l’endroit n’etait plus important, ni meme lui, le jeune homme, maintenant que j’avais mon contact interieur avec ma chere Mere etabli en toute securite a l’interieur de moi, accessible directement pour m’y referer.
Pendant un moment il ne put en croire ses oreilles. C’etait une personne transformee qu’il regardait et ecoutait. Le changement avait ete si abrupt qu’il en etait tout deconcerte. Finalement il parvint a me dire effectivement le nom d’une autre communaute ou l’on avait besoin de quelqu’un pour prendre soin de l’endroit, la personne precedente etant recemment partie.
Et je suis donc allee la, avec mon beau et doux secret cache en moi… le secret de cette presque mort par crise cardiaque, et de ma visite au bienheureux chez nous dans la Realite derriere celle-ci…